


Song Bird

by atomicnebula



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Clairvoyance, College, College AU, Depression, Empath, F/M, First Time, Hand Job, M/M, Modern Era, Supernatural - Freeform, Telekentic, Telepath, gay shit, modern day AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-03-22 08:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13760160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomicnebula/pseuds/atomicnebula
Summary: Levi had isolated himself his whole life, with his best friend Farlan of course. He struggles with his powers as an empath, until he finds the one boy who makes him feel... normal? That is... until someone gets taken. Levi puts himself at the face of danger to save his friends and venture beyond the boundaries of comfort.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

            Let’s get things clear first and foremost, I’m an empath. No, I’m not crazy. As far as I know, but almost everyone I’ve tried to tell has called me crazy. Well, I try to tell them and once they start to think it’s all a joke, I have to play in and sport a fake smile and make that ugly, uncomfortable laugh. I’ve learned to keep it a secret and keep from touching others. If you don’t know what an empath is, here’s some basics: I can feel others emotions, but I can also make them feel what I want. So, if someone were to be sad, I can either feel sad or change their attitude and make them smile. It’s all through touch as well. I don’t have a great control with it either. I’ve pushed myself into being a loner to keep my distance… from everyone. At the age twenty-six, I have one friend, Farlan, and I hate everyone else. Farlan is the only one who truly knows, because somehow in this crazy world I found out my best friend in the whole world is fucking telekinetic. Those are the people who can move things with their mind. He has far more control with it than I do. We both know there are others out there, who has the time to find them?

            Farlan and I grew up in a tiny town outside of the city. Everyone knew everyone, and you couldn’t get away with shit because news spread like wildfire. I was so happy when Farlan pushed at me about going to college. While it was only about a 45-minute drive from our hometown, I got to move out. As much as I loved my childhood home, after my mother passed away, it wasn’t the same without her.

            The only thing I hated more than fall semester and winter, is what comes with it. Finals. A college students’ worst nightmare honestly, besides late assignments, but luckily, it’s one week of finals and then a whole month off before starting the cycle again. Finals for art students however, are much more pleasant. If you consider crying and screaming at 3 a.m. because you can’t seem to get that one-line right… pleasant. My major is photography, specialized in portraits, but I’m still stuck getting that damned “well-rounded education” so I’ve got drawing classes on my schedule this semester. Which means I’m also stuck lugging around a huge portfolio bag with three huge pads of different paper and a small tool box of all my drawing pencils and various forms of charcoal. My fingers were basically welded to the straps of my overly heavy portfolio, after the first class we were to be assigned “lockers” so we didn’t have to lug these around campus unless we needed to work on a project. It was only the beginning of September and the sun was already being clouded day after day with rain clouds.

The weather had already begun to turn sour and cold. I stepped in through the doors, warm air blasted my cold, wind-chapped, cheeks. “Ugh,” I groaned and tried to knock the water off my boots, making sure I wiped them on the carpet. The studio upstairs was tile and I did not put, “ _slip in the studio and crack your skull open_ ”, on my list of things to do before bed. At least not today.

            I made my way into the building, few people scattered the hallways since no one particularly likes 8 a.m. classes. Studio drawing was only offered at this time and I reluctantly enrolled in the class to get it over with. Not that I was given any kind of choice. The elevator call button lit up thankfully. There was no way in hell that I am ever climbing four flights of stairs with this portfolio bag, but I vaguely know of other buildings, like Northside, where the elevator is always out. The silver doors slid open and I stepped inside, I pressed the button for the fourth floor and leaned back against the elevator wall. I tempted to close my eyes and drift for a moment but the familiar voice of one of my classmates rang against my ears, we had English 131 together last spring. Armin was his name… I think, he had sat in front of me, so I’m pretty sure that was him name. He and his yellow blonde hair stepped inside with me, along with another boy from our class. I didn’t know his name at all, mostly because I just didn’t care. He was fairly tall, though anyone is taller than me, with caramel tanned skin and dark brown hair to match. Armin was going on about some book cheerfully to his friend, who seemed to be enjoying the enthusiasm. He just nodded and smiled at Armin as he continued to loudly express his reading, but wasn’t bothered by his odd silence.

            As soon as the doors open enough for me to slip through, I about leaped out. It was too early to be chatting so loudly and I was too stubborn to tell him to shut the hell up. My hands were very thankful when I finally laid my bag on the drawing table.  My finger tips were a flushed red, displeased with the abuse I’ve been putting them through. I’m more than positive my cheeks were turning the same color from being aggressively whipped by the cold, which was only going to get progressively worse once the snow started.  I internally apologized to my body for how abusive I’ve been, I also cursed nature for being so unforgiving.

            The instructor pushed her way to the front of the room loudly. Fucking morning people, I don’t know how someone gets up so eager every morning like she does. “Good morning! We’re moving onto our first project right away…” she paused dramatically before pulling out a framed charcoal drawing, “portraits!” I almost felt a smile pulling at the curves of my lips. My specialty… in photography. “I’ll be pairing you with someone from class, this will be first in many projects before we spend time for finals so get to know your partners, because a portrait not only captures someone’s look but also their personality.” I rolled my eyes, she was so over-dramatic about everything. I’m surprised she’s not more involved with theater. “Stand up, when I call your names and raise your hand, so you know who your partners are, then move together. Sasha and Krista… Jean and Marco…” I droned her out a bit, gathering my bag in my hand again so I could move. “Levi and Armin,” slowly I raised my hand, glancing around the room. There were about 20 people in my class, but I already knew Armin enough to recognize him.

Armin raised his hand across the room, standing next to him was the same dark-haired boy. Elevator boy, that’s what I’ll call him for now because I still don’t know his name. Whatever. I picked up my bag and made my way over to him.  “Levi, nice to meet you.”

“Armin, likewise.”

The rest of our lecture time we did practices, learning how portraits were typically drawn and accurate measuring of facial spacing, I leaned on the heel of my hand since we weren’t drawing yet. Boring, but it was better than working an assembly line. I tried to keep my eyes at the board, but I felt like someone was drilling holes through the back of my head. I turned my head slowly, grazing the room, and that stupid boy is staring at me. _Do you fucking need something?_ I thought angrily. His turquoise eyes went wide for a second before his head dropped, burying it in his drafting table, he seemed to be embarrassed that he got caught. Don’t know why he’d be staring in the first place, _fucking kids_.

Soon enough the professor dismissed us for the day. I didn’t bother sticking around, so I cleaned up quickly and slipped out of the classroom unnoticed. I had two more classes to get through. They went by so fast I didn’t realize that they were over, and when I stepped back outside the sun sat comfortably against the horizon. The sky was now a mix of oranges and pinks, the rain finally ceasing for the evening. Secretly I wished that Farlan was home, for some reason I felt on edge. It was the feeling you get when you’re standing near a cliff and someone could push you off at any second. It wasn’t settling well in my stomach. I couldn’t wait to be home.

 I pulled into the apartment complex and made my way into the back and parked. I saw Farlan’s car parked a few spaces down and my heart eased for a moment.

“I’m home!” I announced before slipping my shoes off at the door.

“Hey man, how was class?” Farlan called back, he was in the living room watching something, I could hear the tv playing quietly.

“Oh, you mean my ‘get up at the butt crack of dawn’ art class? It was fine.” Making my way into the living room, I saw Isabel curled up on the couch with her head in Farlan’s lap, fast asleep. Farlan held up a finger and then pointed, he gently slid out from under Isabel and gave a soft kiss to her forehead before following me into the kitchen.  “How’s Izzy?”

“She’s doing okay, got a killer migraine so she’s trying to sleep it off, but it doesn’t look like it’s helping.” Farlan anxiously rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes. “I hate to ask you to do this Levi, but she’s hurting so bad. I basically had to give her morphine, she needs to change her meds _again_.”

I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder, well knowing I would be flooded with his worry and frustration. I bit the inside of my cheek to block it out some and try to give any kind of reassurance. “You know I’d do anything for you.”

He looked up and gave me a half smile, “thank you.”

I walked out of the kitchen and over to Izzy. Her eyebrows seemed draw down in pain. I couldn’t imagine how much it hurt right now. I kneeled in front of her on the floor, watching the way her face was contorted in pain. I couldn’t let her suffer knowing I could ease some of the pain. She’d done nothing wrong to me, she went out of her way for both Farlan and I. While I couldn’t take her pain away, I could make sure she didn’t feel it for a while. Until her meds kicked in. I raised my hand and gently cupped her cheek. I focused on a feeling of ease and exhaustion. Soon enough she visibly relaxed. Her face no longer held the same pained expression, she stretched out shortly before rolling over and humming happily.

I soon felt very heavy, “Farlan.” He had followed me back into the living room before I helped Izzy. He knew pushing emotions on to others physically and mentally drained me. He grabbed my elbow and my hand and helped me off the floor and walked me into my bedroom. “I can get myself into bed. Go keep an eye on Izzy.”

Farlan only nodded and quietly shut the door behind him. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled under the covers. My black out curtains were still drawn from this morning, so my room was plenty dark for me. Isabel didn’t know anything about Farlan or me. I was so overbearing about him not dating her. Thinking back to it, I thought I’d never fall asleep. Though once I was comfortably warm and wrapped in my overstuffed blanket, I passed out.

When I woke back up, my room was still dark, but the sun no longer produced an orange glow trying to break through my curtains. I groaned and rolled over to check the time, my phone was bright, and I had to blink a few times before they focused on the clock. It was already 2 o’clock in the morning. I’d been asleep for nine hours. My stomach growled angrily to really show that I’d been asleep for far too long.

I reluctantly crawled out of bed and slipped on a black t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. I didn’t know if Izzy was still around, but I’d rather not be caught roaming around in just my boxers. I tried to be quiet as I rummaged around in the kitchen for something decent to eat since I hadn’t eaten for quite some time.

“There should be left-over pasta on the top shelf, Iz and I cooked, but she wanted to make sure there was enough left for you. She was worried about how tired you were.” Farlan leaned against the doorway in basketball shorts and a t-shirt, he had the most ridiculous bed head. His blonde hair was a rough mess.

“Thank you,” I mumbled before pulling out the container full of noodles and the jar of sauce. “So, did you finally tell her?”

“About what?”

“You know what, about us!” I bit back. I should’ve been a little nicer, as much as I enjoyed having Izzy around, I knew one day she’d find out. I begged Farlan not to tell her, the first time he told me he had a girlfriend, I told him to break up with her without hesitation.

“No, Levi, I didn’t.” He voice was cold. “How long do you expect me to keep this up?”

I smacked my hands onto the counter, harder than I intended to. “I don’t know Farlan! How long do you think we’re going to be like this?!” I was raising my voice without any care of who I disturbed. “She’s going to start asking more questions, what do you intend to tell her? We’re freaks, Farlan! We’ll be locked away in a mental hospital or used as fucking weapons. I can’t even control what I have. And every fucking time I try to, I feel like I ran a fucking marathon!”

“What do you want me to do Levi? Break up with her?” There was desperation in Farlan’s voice, but he yelled right back. He already knew my answer to that question. I kept my eyes glued to the counter and dropped my head, letting silence fall between us. “Fine.” He paused for a moment and shifted from one foot to the other. “Fine. I’ll just move out, you’ll never have to talk to me again.”

My heart fell, I bit my tongue. I refused to cry in front of him. “Fine.” I replied half-heartedly.

Farlan didn’t say another word before walking out of the kitchen and slamming his bedroom door behind him. I looked at the food and suddenly I didn’t feel hungry anymore.

*****

            I woke up before Farlan did, or I think I did. His bedroom door was shut.  I didn’t bother knocking. I grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet and sent him a quick text before stepping out the door.

_09:30 AM Levi:_

  _Farlan I’m sorry. Can we talk after class?_

            I hoped he wasn’t serious about moving out, but I knew we shouldn’t have fought like we did. It was stupid.

I felt like a zombie sitting in my morning class, but 11:15 rolled around quicker than I anticipated, not that I’m complaining. I had about an hour break for lunch and then off to work. I stopped by our cafeteria and grabbed a chicken wrap, stuffing it into my mouth and then trucking my way back across campus. The rain had picked up again since yesterday and I could feel my entire face become stiff before I could make my way into Northside. Thankfully it was Thursday, so the weather had the entire weekend to rain all it wanted. I didn’t have any classes or anything on Fridays. I hastily pulled my scarf up and covered my nose and whatever I could of my cheeks.

I got ahold of an internship over the summer on campus with the chemistry department. I tore down the labs they finished, cleaned it up, and then set up for the next class’s labs. After that I usually assist in demonstrating the lab and answering stupid questions or I sat and worked on homework, either way I got paid well and I enjoyed the work. Summer classes were smaller than Fall and Spring, so I had a bit of a longer work schedule because I had to set up a few extra labs. Chemistry labs were in 0041, which was the basement of the basement, two floors below the ground floor. Where idiots could blow the shit up and no one would really know. Knowing the doom of the elevators I always opted for the small stairwell that led right next to the lab I worked in, and it was rare I ever bumped into someone. Actually… I’ve never seen a single person use this stairwell. Just made my commute quieter.

            I slid my student id card on the kiosk and clocked in, my work day has started. Since it was only the first week of classes there were no labs to tear down, which made my job easier. Last lab I tore down was awful, I had no idea what they were testing, but I spent the entire class time trying to scrape out the beakers of the fucked-up experiments. Whatever it was, was practically burned into the glass. My worst nightmare. But unfortunately, no one had been in these lab since the first summer semester. It had sat, untouched, for 2 months, in a dirty and musty basement. Before I could even set up the lab, I had to dust and sweep. Meaningless and easy tasks, they had to be done. I pulled my phone out and started a playlist, I named this one “Jams”. It was a messy playlist of songs I worked out to, cleaned to, worked to, nothing special, it was upbeat enough to keep me moving and keep me focused. I hoped it would get my mind off Farlan. He still hadn’t texted me back. Class didn’t start for another two hours and no one wandered the halls down here, I shut the door and turned my phone up as loud as it would go.

            As I dusted, I sang and danced. After I was satisfied that all the shelves were thoroughly dust free, I set up the first lab. They were testing something about acidity and I set out multiple beakers at each station, along with measuring spoons and eye droppers, along with all the chemicals needed and safety goggles just in case. With the labs set up and the room basically clean, I had 30 minutes left to sweep before people really started showing up.

            I grabbed the broom and quickly groaned, ‘Can’t Fight the Moonlight’ started playing. I honestly enjoyed this song, it was more of a guilty pleasure. I walked over to my phone to press pause, but I heard the chorus starting to build up. _No one’s around… there’s no harm._ I gripped the broom handle hard and started sweeping while dancing around with it like it was a mic stand. “You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss, but you know, but you know that you can't fight the moonlight,” I raised my arms, broom still in hand, and spun around on my toes like I was in a 90’s pop band. Purely satisfied with my own doing.

            I had the most unfortunate luck, because when I turned around I locked eyes with someone. Deep, pale turquoise was all I could see. My small smile quickly turned into a scowl as I tried to hide my blushing cheeks. I rushed over to my phone and hit pause, filling the lab with harsh silence again. I stared at my phone for a few moments before clearing my throat, “sit wherever, you’ll be partnered with whoever sits next to you.” I grumbled out before returning the broom to the closet, my eyes trained on the floor. What a coincidence the kid from my art class who stared at me was in the lab I happened to be working in! What luck, huh? This kid seemed quiet enough to not cause any trouble.

            I looked back up and he still stood by the doorway, a hand tightly clutching the strap of his messenger bag. We stared awkwardly at each other for a second. I crossed my arms and sat on the edge of one of the tables, “if you promise to never tell anyone what you just saw, I’ll not make this class a living hell for you. I’m Levi, I help teach this class with Professor Smith, so basically I have all the answers.” His fingers seemed to lessen their grip and his knuckles turned back to their caramel tan instead of stark white. “Since you’re early, let’s get you signed in,” walking up to the front of the room, I grabbed the roster from Professor Smith’s desk, along with a pen. The kid slowly followed me, standing just on the other side of the desk. “Alright, what’s your name?” I know he was in my art class but I only paid attention when I got assigned my partner.

            He didn’t speak, instead he moved to stand next to me and I watched his finger run down the paper until he hit his name. Whatever cologne he was wearing fit him very well, it was rich but sweet. I could smell mint and lavender. He tapped a finger eagerly on the page, pulling me out of my daze, “Eren Jaeger,” I looked up and he nodded, a soft smile crossing his lips. “Alright… Eren, take a seat wherever you please.”

            I stared at the roster a moment longer before returning it to Mr. Smith’s desk. Soon more students entered the room and found their seats, the room started to fill with quiet chatter. With a minute to spare, Mr. Smith bounded into the room. “Levi! How was break kiddo?”

            He opened his arms inviting me for a hug, which I took gladly. It was just a quick embrace and a pat to my back. Mr. Smith had always been such a friendly professor, but being a family friend and knowing him basically my whole life only proceeded that. Which also contributed to where I went to college. He didn’t know anything about me being an empath but whenever he happened to touch me it was always joyful. He was the father figure I was missing in my life, his attitude was always happy and positive, the feeling I got from him was like he was proud of me, a good pat on the back feeling after I hit a homerun or something along the lines. “Break was good, as much as I wish it would last longer, but who wouldn’t miss these musty labs?” My tone was sarcastic and bitter, but he understood my humor and laughed.

            “Ah, you haven’t changed one bit. How are you and Farlan doing?”

            I shoved my hands in my jean pockets and cleared my throat, “we’re doing alright, we had a… disagreement last night.”

            “You guys have been friends for a long time, don’t worry. There’s nothing you two can’t overcome. My wife is so afraid of Guilia not coming home after she goes to college… even though she’s only just applying, she’ll start next fall. It’s giving me grey hair! Enough about me being an old man, let’s get this semester on a roll, shall we?” I nodded and walked to the front of the room with him. “Good afternoon! My name is Mr. Smith if you haven’t looked at your syllabus yet, and this is my TA Levi.” He took a step back and looked at me, waiting for me to officially introduce myself.

            “I am Levi Ackerman, I assist around the room.” I glanced around, taking in who all was in this class this semester. No faces I recognized, besides Eren. He leaned on the heel of his hand, his eyes trained on me. I swallowed, it was harder than usual, I felt like someone shoved a handful of sand into my mouth. “Uh, if you have any questions or get stuck in the lab, I’m here to help. I’ve already taken and passed this class, it’s not hard if you get your shit done and pay attention.”

            Mr. Smith took control of the room again and began with a short lesson before he could turn them loose. Which meant basic safety procedures and what the end product was supposed to be. Things I already knew, and I already knew all the ways you could fuck up. Luckily this lab had no chance of blowing up. Easy lab, easy clean up. He handed me a stack of papers to pass out with charts and questions to answers throughout the lab. I got mumbled thanks and small smiles with each one, until I reached Eren, who said nothing… still. I swear this kid never spoke. Did he lose his voice, or could he be sick? I set his paper on the table in front of him and slid it over, but when he went to grab it, he laid his hand right on top of mine.

            I pulled my hand back instinctively, “ah, sorry, caught me off guard.” I stared at my hand, I didn’t feel anything. _I didn’t feel a damn thing._ Besides the flushing of my cheeks, but even with a brush against someone I usually felt a small wave of emotion. It was like getting a small electric shock and then an emotion that wasn’t mine. But all I felt was the heat from his skin and that was it. What was going on?

“Hey Levi, come here for a second.” Mr. Smith called out, breaking the stare I had with my hand. I blinked and hurried over to his desk.

            “What’s up?”

            “The boy you were just standing with…”

            “Eren?”

            “Yea, Eren. We have an odd number of students, and I know it’s not a usual thing, but how about being his lab partner?” He raised his hands in defense, ready to explain, “I’m not asking you to walk him through the labs or give him answers, but these labs sometimes require two pairs of hands and I’d really appreciate it.” He paused for a second and pointed his pen in his direction and spoke very softly, “besides, I don’t think he can take his eyes off of you.” I followed the pen and looked back at Eren, his eyes still glued to me.

            I opened my mouth to speak but I still struggled, after a good few seconds I quietly mumbled out, “no problem.”

            For a moment I thought to myself. I thought wrong, this kid was going to cause me trouble. Inside I groaned, knowing that Eren would most likely be quiet the entire time so when I’d ask questions, how was I supposed to know if her really understood? Sure, there were ways to work around it, but did he really have to be a pain in my ass? Also, since I’m no leading the labs, he needs to be the one directing me around. I’m just an extra set of hands. He’s gotta be the boss almost. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be doing the labs for him. I already went through that.

            I rubbed the bridge of my nose before reaching to take an extra paper, so I could follow alongside Eren and understand entirely we he needed me to do, knowing this boy wasn’t going to say a word. Everyone was giving introductions to their lab partners and making small talk. I avoided that completely because getting close to someone was just a mess for me. Farlan is basically the one person I let into my life entirely. Since we’re both freaks of nature essentially.

            I sat next to Eren and huffed out a small sigh, preparing myself for my first day practically guiding a small child.

            “I don’t like speaking to people I don’t know, sorry.” It didn’t register in my brain that it was Eren that spoke, I looked up from the paper and glanced at him. He no longer drilled his eyes into me, he looked nervously into his lap. I could see his fingers spinning a ring on his right hand.

            “Did…”

            “Yea I did.”

            “Uh, okay.” I cleared my throat, “nice to know you actually have a voice.”

            Eren gave me a lopsided smile and drew his attention back to me. “You seem upset.”

            Did I? Was it that easy to tell that something was bothering me? I doubted it, because I was always a grumpy asshole. “How could you tell?”

            “I… it’s just uh,” he seemed at a loss for words. “I was just guessing, sorry.”

            “Stop apologizing,” I replied softly. I hope he didn’t think I was mad at him. “I’m not upset because of you. I had a fight… with my best friend.”

            “I’m sorry, I mean, I understand what that’s like… it sucks. I hope you guys make up.”

            “Me too…” I cleared my throat again, trying to change the subject back to the lab. “Alright so I’m only here to give you an extra set of hands, so direct me around and let’s get this lab done.” Eren nodded and pulled his paper back in front of him.

            Surprisingly the lab went smoothly. Now that Eren was speaking of course. He spoke softly enough that I could hear him but not too much that everyone could. I couldn’t understand how someone like him would be so shy. He seemed to be very smart, knowing how to do each step without having to look at the directions a million times over. This was the smoothest lab I’ve ever done.

            Students could leave after the lab was finished and they turned their papers in that had marked all their observations. Once Eren and I were finished, we had been the last group left in the lab. Erwin had already come over and asked if we needed him around anymore, but I brushed him off and told him to go back to his office. Eren and I were left in the lab, alone, again. At least this time I wasn’t dancing around embarrassing myself.

            I collected as many beakers as I could in my hands and carried them over to the sink to start washing them. If I let them sit overnight, I doubted I could get any of this shit out. Not going to take any chances. Plus, I wanted to avoid going home. Farlan still hadn’t texted me back. I feared that when I go home, he won’t be there. I don’t blame him entirely, I feel bad for blowing up, but I had my reasons.

            I flinched and dropped the beaker I had into the soapy water when I felt someone press into my back. It was Eren, he leaned around me with beakers in his hand, trying to gently set them on the counter.

“Sorry…” He breathed.

He was too close, I could feel the warmth of his breath waft over my shoulder. “You’re fine.” I finally replied. “You don’t have to help me clean up, this is my job.”

“I know,” Eren took a step back and nervously ran a hand over the back of his neck. “I’d like to make myself useful.” I could hear the hesitation in his voice, he wasn’t sure what to say to me.

“Thanks.”

Those were the last words we spoke for a long while. We worked in silence together. Eren grabbed me all the dirtied lab pieces and set them on the counter, ready for me to wash. He even grabbed another towel and helped dry. I didn’t bother asking him to put them back, but he seemed determined to do so after opening every cabinet in the back and examining each one. Maybe he really was a small child, it was kind of cute honestly. I never asked for his help, but yet, he was going out of his way to assist me. My sour mood lightened a little whenever I’d catch him exploring the lab, poking at whatever he could make move.

I drained the water in the sink and rinsed my hands off once again. I was finished quicker than usual, thanks to Eren of course. Now I could go home.

Home.

My heart sank immediately. It was now 3:30 in the afternoon and still no word from Farlan. I didn’t want to go home anymore.

“Levi.” Eren said softly.

“You’re free to go if you have to, you’ve helped me too much today.” I wanted to brush him off, so he wouldn’t be around to see me be upset. I wanted so badly to be alone but at the same time I didn’t.

“Oh, uh, it was no problem really… but, um, do you want to go get coffee with me? I-I know that you and your best friend are fighting and uh, I t-thought it… that it might help get your mind off it.” Eren’s cheeks were flushed and he fidgeted with the silver band on his finger again.

“Coffee? Sure.” What was I saying? Did I really want to go and spend time with someone I didn’t even know? I was so keen on keeping my distance from everyone. Something about Eren threw me off, and curiosity was getting the best of me. When I said yes, I was holding a gun to my head.

“Really? Uh, that’s great! There’s this café my friends and I go to all the time, it’s called The Well. Have you ever been there?” I shook my head. Eren’s shy attitude flipped completely, he was now eager and forward. “It’s on the other side of the library, so we can walk over together.

I simply nodded and gathered up my backpack, I checked my phone one last time. Still not a single word from Farlan. Closing my eyes, I swallowed hard and shoved my phone harshly into the pocket of my jeans. Keeping my mind off Farlan was in my best interest right now. Farlan would talk to me when he was ready, and I had to be respectful of that. Even though everything screamed at me to confront him and demand we resolve this.

After zipping up my jacket and wrapping scarf around my neck, I led Eren out of the lab, so I could shut the lights off and lock the door. I locked the door and turned to Eren, he was struggling to get his zipper hooked on his jacket with his gloves on.  I watched him continuously miss.

“You really are a fucking child,” I retorted to his struggle. Without thinking I reached out and hooked it for him, before grabbing the bottom and zipping it up to the middle of his chest. The dark army green of his jacket really made the green in his eyes stand out. They watched my hands avidly through his messy brown hair. Underneath a grey plush scarf, I could see his pink cheeks, I rolled my eyes and took a quick step back.

“Sorry,” Eren mumbled quietly.

“You apologize too much.”

“Sorry…”

I sighed and rolled my eyes again.

For once… I felt normal.

Eren and I walked in silence, it was too cold right now to pull the scarf off my face to even make conversation. Eren was right though, just beyond the library across the street was a hole-in-the wall café with dark blue letters, _The Well_. I’m disappointed I never noticed this before, but I didn’t spend a lot of time out of the house to begin with.

The inside of the café was vastly different from the outside. On the outside, it felt like we were walking into an abandoned building. Graffiti was weather on the red brick and beyond the blue lettering of the door, it had been covered with sun faded newspapers. When I walked fully inside and freed my face from my scarf, I was surround by a warm home like feeling. Dark hardwood floors, the deep smell of black coffee, and quiet jazz music playing over speakers. There were only few people within the café. They were too engrossed with their own activities to even draw attention to Eren and I.

“Mikasa!” Eren yelled excitedly, a huge smile plastered his face. A girl with shoulder length black hair behind the counter turned immediately.

“Eren!” She set down the box of tea she had been sorting through and ran out onto the floor. She threw open her arms and embraced Eren, she did it so hard he had to take a step back to keep his balance and I heard him give out a solid _oof_. Was this his girlfriend?

“You saw me this morning, what’s with the hug?” She made eye contact with me and narrowed her eyebrows. She mumbled something to Eren, too quiet for me to hear. “Oh, that’s Levi. He’s the TA in my chemistry lab.”

Mikasa gave me another look over Eren’s shoulder before stepping away and smoothing out her apron. “I’m Mikasa, Eren’s sister.” She reached out her hand to be polite, but I kept my hands firmly in my jacket pockets.

“Levi.” I replied shortly. I could already tell she wasn’t very pleased with me, so I didn’t bother to confirm it by touching her. It was easily read in her expression.

She retraced her hand, getting the message that I wasn’t interested in being formal. “Well, how about some coffee? Eren, I’ll take it that you want a white mocha with cinnamon again?”

“Yes,” Eren replied softly. He sounded like he had just been chewed out for something embarrassing.

“And Levi, what can I get for you then?”

“Black coffee will be fine, thank you.” Mikasa nodded and walked back behind the counter. A white mocha with cinnamon? That’s disgustingly sweet. I can’t believe someone could drink that, but looking at Eren, I could see someone his age enjoying something that was basically pure sugar.

I followed Eren over to a wooden booth and sat across from him, tossing my backpack into the seat. We awkwardly sat in silence until Mikasa walked over with our drinks, they both were in dark blue mugs, the same dark blue as the lettering on the door.

“Here you go boys, if you need anything else, let me know. I’ll see you at home later Eren, I get off at 7 and I’ll cook dinner. Have fun, love you.”

“Love you,” Eren smiled and Mikasa ruffled his hair before walking away. He hastily smoothed it back down and stuck his tongue out at her. After being satisfied with his hair, he took a big drink of his coffee.

“How do you kids drink pure sugar?”

Eren put down his mug and gasped as if I offended him. “Kid? Excuse me, I’m twenty-three.”

I choked on my drink and quickly had to set my mug down. “What? I thought you were eighteen.”

“Okay just because I can’t seem to zip my jacket, which I can, does _not_ mean I am a child!”

“Mhmm, so do adults always get whip cream on their nose?” I watched Eren’s eyes go wide before he lunged for a napkin. “Don’t rub your face raw kiddo.”

“I’m not a kid,” Eren grumbled under his breath.

I raised my hands in defense, “okay, you’re not a kid. Legally, but you’re a kid to me.”

“Thanks… I think. How old are you then?”

“I’m twenty-six. I turn twenty-seven right after finals week.”

“Oh, I was born in March, it’s always rainy and depressing on my birthday.” Eren said before carefully raising his mug back to his face. He had already licked most of the whip cream off the top.

I rolled my eyes, “yea, well my birthday is on Christmas, so I say you got off pretty lucky.” I took another sip of my own coffee and lost myself watching the liquid swirl in the mug.

Why was I even bothering to share this Eren? For once I really felt normal. I felt just like everyone else. I was out, enjoying coffee, in a public place. Deep down I knew that I secretly craved that feeling to be just like everyone else. A face passing in the crowd. I wanted that so badly. To not have to fear touching someone or fear that someone would think I was completely insane. I don’t want to have to hide, but out with Eren like this. I didn’t think about any of that.  When was the last time I felt like this?

I don’t know how long I had been staring aimlessly, it must’ve been too long because Eren had laid his hand on mine. Intentionally. My jaw clenched, and I wanted nothing more than to retract my hand and bury it away. But even though I didn’t get this spark and rush of emotions, it felt comforting.

“You okay?” Eren said quietly, his voice was so soft. His bright eyes looked so sad. He was too sweet to look so sad.

“Yea… yea I’m fine.” I lied. This was amazing. I didn’t want this feeling of freedom to go away. I didn’t want to go back into hiding. As much as I wanted to latch onto the feeling Eren gave me and never let it go, I knew at some point I’d have to return to my reclusive life.

He slipped his hand underneath mine, so my hand was resting in his. He gave it a gentle squeeze and rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. God, his hands were so soft. I wanted to link our fingers together. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes… no. Maybe…” I rested my forehand against the knuckles of my other hand, not wanting to let go of Eren. “I don’t know.” He didn’t say anything. He let the silence fall between us, letting me sit with my own thoughts. He turned my hand over so that my palm was now upwards, still resting in his. I titled my head and watched him, he had a curious look on his face.

His head was slightly tilted to the side, stray brown hairs falling over his eyes. That messy haircut only added to his boyish looks. How was he twenty-three and still looked so young? I looked like a grumpy old man. Eren hesitantly brought his other hand over and gently poked my palm with his index finger. I didn’t bother saying anything, I just wanted to watch. He traced the creases in my hand with the tip of his finger. I flexed my fingers out so they laid flatter and he jumped just a little. I huffed a small laugh out of my nose and I could see his cheeks start to flush.

“He hates me.”

“No, he doesn’t, Levi.”

 “You don’t know that…”

“No… I don’t.” Eren stopped running his finger over my palm and laid it flat, clasping my hand between his. “But, you guys are best friends, right?  You guys are going to fight about things. Is this really what ruins your entire friendship?” I shook my head. “Then it won’t.”

We sat in silence again. I let him play with my fingers and rub my hand. I didn’t bother thinking about how many of my own rules I was breaking.

 “Levi,” Eren said, drawing my attention back up to him, concern and worry written all over his face. He slowly brought a hand up and laid it on my shoulder. His thumb rubbing circles gently. “I’m sorry Farlan isn’t speaking to you, but if he’s your best friend, he’ll come around.”

I looked up at Eren, he had a good few inches on me. “Thank you…” I felt like I swallowed sand again. I don’t remember saying Farlan’s name aloud. “I never told you his name, how… how did you know his name is Farlan?” I paused for a second, “did you go sneaking through my phone? Is that why you stuck around after class?” My words were so insulting, but how could he stoop so low? I thought he had stayed after to be nice, but apparently, he had other intentions. What was he going to get out of snooping into my business? We’re aren’t friends, I don’t even know him. What the hell? I roughly grabbed his forearm and pushed his hand from my shoulder.

            “No, I-I didn’t, I swear.” Eren stuttered heavily.

            “Then how? How in the hell did you know his name? How did you know he wasn’t talking to me?” I quickly replayed our series of conversations through the class, well knowing I never mentioned anything beyond that my best friend and I were having a fight. Sure, it’d be common sense to suspect that we wouldn’t be on speaking terms. But I never said his name.

            “I… I can’t say.”

            “Bullshit! Why the fuck can’t you tell me?”

            “You’re going to think I’m insane.”

            I scoffed harshly, “oh whatever, I’m riding the edge of insane. Fucking try me!”

            Eren ran both his hand against his neck now, uncomfortably shifting from foot to foot. “I wanted to tell you, but I-I didn’t know how.” He paused, and I tapped my foot impatiently. “I, uh, well I…” He paused again.

            “Just fucking spit it out!” I yelled.

            “I can read peoples minds, okay?” Eren spoke softly.

            “You’re a —”

“Telepath, yea, I am.”

I brushed stray black hairs from my face. “Alright… okay.” I clapped my hands together and looked at Eren with wide eyes. “So, what? Have you been slipping into my head then? Is that why you’ve been staring at me?”

“Please don’t yell, I didn’t mean any harm.”

“I’m sorry,” I spoke softer this time, raising my voice wasn’t going to solve anything, I already learned that last night.

“Levi, can I ask you a question?” I nodded. “Why are you afraid of people touching you? You flinch and it’s like you’re preparing for the worst. Y-you… you don’t have to answer.”

I took a deep breath. The deepest one I’ve taken for quite some time. “I can’t do this. This is all some kind of joke isn’t it? I’m being set up. Well thanks Eren, you’re a fucking jerk. For once I thought I had met someone who understood or something…” I paused. “I… I’ve got to go.” I quickly grabbed my jacket and my backpack, not even bothering to put it on. I just needed away from him. I needed to be away from everyone. Now.

I didn’t stop until I was out of the door and across the street. The rain was cold and whipped at my bare skin, soaking my hair and my clothes. I couldn’t be bothered. My head hung heavy on my shoulders, I felt so defeated. Maybe I was meant to be isolated… like the freak I am.

I drove home with the radio off. I was soaked to the bone, but I didn’t turn the heat on. I couldn’t care less about how I felt right now. I didn’t expect Farlan to be home either. He could fuck off, I didn’t want to see him, and I didn’t want to talk to him. Fuck him. Fuck everything!

Farlan’s car wasn’t in the parking lot, that I knew of. I wasn’t really looking. I marched upstairs and locked the door behind me. I dropped my backpack and soaked jacket on the floor, but I still wore my wet sneakers.

“Fuck everything!” I yelled into the empty apartment. For being midafternoon, it was dark due to the heavy clouds and rain. It matched my mood. “I didn’t ask for any of this, I didn’t want any of this!” The louder I screamed, the more I hurt. The more everything came crashing down on me. I walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer. I wasn’t a regular drinker, but I liked to have something around if Farlan and I were having a night in together. I angrily grabbed the bottle of whiskey. Was I even going to be bother with a glass? “Fuck it.”

The cap twisted off with ease and I raised the bottle to my lips. There wasn’t much going back now. I was being lead by my emotions and I didn’t want to feel anything. I wanted to feel numb. It burned all the way down, my body begged to stop, and I wanted to cringe at the harsh taste. I was determined to make it all stop.

After I took as much as I could gulp down at once, I set it on the counter, my hand still firmly grasping the neck of the bottle. I wasn’t done. I wasn’t anywhere near done yet. “I just want to go home.” My voice was much quieter now, more like I was pleading.

I don’t know how long I sat on the kitchen floor. It had gotten much darker, so it must’ve been a good couple of hours. I had already finished off what was left of the whiskey and grabbed whatever happened to be in the freezer, I think it was vodka. It burned more than the whiskey but who gave a fuck? It didn’t make me feel any better, but I didn’t feel as bad, I couldn’t feel anything. At some point I cried, I don’t really remember why… or when. My face was stiff where tears had fallen, and my nose was stuffy. Maybe I was sick? I was still in my wet clothes. I had pulled my sneakers off my feet and thrown them at the well, yelling something that sounded like, “I fucking hate these stupid shoes.” I can’t remember but it was pretty slurred. And I think at another point, I got way too hot and peeled my shirt off. The cool tile flooring felt really good on my back. I didn’t want to remember the hurt in Farlan’s voice. I didn’t want to remember how hurt Eren’s bright eyes looked when I ran from him.

I heard a loud knock on my front door. It couldn’t be Farlan, he had a key. I groaned, “give me a minute!” I yelled as loud as I could. If it was really that important, they could wait. I grabbed the edge of the kitchen counter as hard as I could and pulled myself to my feet. It was so hard, my limbs felt like they were made of bricks. The world around me swirled, but knowing my apartment as much as I did, stumbling through it was easier than I thought. Though with each step I tried my best to grasp onto anything within my reach, so I wouldn’t fall. If I fell, there was no way I was getting up again. Whoever was at the door would have to come back another time.

When I finally reached the door, I unlocked it and opened it up without looking through the peephole. “How’d you know I was here?” I demanded, well sort of. It definitely didn’t come out as threatening. Eren stood on the other side of the door. I shouldn’t have opened it. I wanted nothing to do with him.

His face was very flushed. “Are you drunk?”

“I might be, I can do what I want.” I tried to lean against the wall, only to slide down and land very hard on my ass.

“You’re soaking wet, you’re going to get sick.”

“I don’t care, I don’t fucking care!” I dropped my head. “I just don’t fucking care anymore.” My vision blurred, and I felt tears start to stream down my cheeks again. I felt Eren’s hands hook behind mine and lift me to my feet. “Leave me alone.” I mumbled.

“No.”

That was all the protest I had left in me. I was both physically and mentally drained at the point and there was no point in fighting it anymore. I let myself fall against Eren. My face rested against his chest. Eren didn’t hesitate this time and wrapped his arms around me, tucking my head underneath his chin. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I wasn’t lying, Levi. I know why you’re afraid to touch people and how you’ve had to isolate yourself for so long. I know how much you’re really hurting, and I couldn’t stand by and watch you suffer.” He rubbed a hand up and down my back. His hands really were soft, and I wished he’d never stop. “How about we get you out of those wet clothes and into bed?” I nodded gently against him. “Alright, can you walk?”

“Yea, but I’m gonna need to hold onto you.”

“That’s fine.”

He turned me to my side and rested and arm over my shoulders, guiding my arm to reach around his back and grab onto his jacket. I didn’t have to tell him where my room was, I was guessing his just dipped into my head and followed that. I was thankful for that this time because I was so tired of talking. I was so tired. I wanted to sleep so bad. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.

I took a few steps into my room and left Eren at my doorway. “I can change myself, Eren. Give me a minute.”

He looked at me with wide eyes for a second, “okay.” Was all he said in a small voice before turning around and stepping back into the hallway.

I felt like I was detaching my wet jeans from my skin, it burned so badly but I was so thankful to finally get them off. I grabbed the nearest pair of sweatpants and quickly slipped them on. The soft fleece inside was such a relief. I grabbed a t-shirt and started slipping it over my head as I stepped out into the hallway to find Eren. It was still hard for me to keep my balance and I put both hands on the walls to walk myself.

Eren was in the kitchen when I found him. He had stripped his jacket off and now stood in fitting jeans and a very fitting black V-neck. I was really appreciating the view from the doorway. My t-shirt laid draped over the edge of the sink and Eren was reaching up into a cabinet where we kept the glasses. He had his back to me right now, so I continued to stare.

“I’m decent.” I announced softly.

“Oh,” Eren turned with a glass filled with water.  “Drink this.”

“Okay, mom.” I retorted, gladly taking the water from him. He laughed quietly and leaned against the counter. I slowly made my way over and stood next to him. I thought about leaning my head on his shoulder but instead I sipped at my water while we stood in silence.

“Eren…”

“Yea?”

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“Asshole.” I tipped my glass back and chugged the rest of what was left in the glass. “Can you help me to the couch?” Eren didn’t say anything, but he took the glass from my hand and set it in the sink. He took my arm around his waist like he did when he helped me to my room. I walked slowly with him. I was already more tired than I was a few minutes ago.

I sat down and sighed happily. “This is so much comfier than the floor.”

“I bet.” Eren stood awkwardly in front of me.

I tilted my head and patted the cushion next to me, “sit.”

“You sure?”

“Please?” Eren shrugged and plopped down next to me. “I’m tired.” I mumbled. It became harder and harder to keep my eyes open. I could feel my head start to dip down, this was too much. I want to sleep.

 I don’t remember how I ended up laying down with a blanket on me, but I didn’t care. I was so tired, and this was so comfortable. I felt Eren lift my head up slightly before slipping something underneath. It was so warm and very soft. I buried my face into it and hummed happily. It smelled like mint and lavender. I could feel Eren’s fingers sifting through my hair, rubbing gently against my scalp. I was too tired to protest but not that I would, this was so soothing. I let myself enjoy the sweet moment before my mind drifted into blackness for the evening.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

            I didn’t dream. I was thankful for it. I can’t imagine what I would’ve been dreaming of, after basically drinking my way back into depression I don’t think I would’ve slept. Though when I woke up, I felt like I hadn’t slept at all. My head pounded. A sharp stabbing pain right across my forehead. My stomach pained and begged for food and water. This is what I deserve though right? After blowing up at Farlan and yelling at Eren, I deserved to suffer a little. Karma was coming after my ass now.

            I inhaled deeply, bringing my hands up to rub my eyes. If I could remember correctly, I was on the couch. Spread out on one half of the sectional. I could feel the lining of a cushion against my back instead of my silky sheets, so I was definitely on the couch. Somehow one of the throws ended up on me and was now twisted between my legs. I desperately kicked the blanket onto the ground. I was sweating like crazy, I was so fucking hot. It was ridiculous.

            Slowly, I brought myself to open my eyes. It was much lighter than it had been when I returned home yesterday. The unpleasant grey clouds hadn’t gone away, but the sun seemed to be breaking through a bit. Maybe today would be warmer, the rain was getting old. I sighed deeply, staring at the ugly swirl patterns in the ceiling.

            My neck was stiff and sore, what was I sleeping on? I rolled my head to the side and saw Eren. That’s right. I let him in. He was stretched out on the other part of the sectional, we made a backwards L the way we were laying. His head was draped over the back of the over stuffed pillows. His mouth was slightly open, and I could hear his soft breaths. Matching the rise and fall of his chest. Still sound asleep. It looked like Eren had slid down during the night because his shirt had slid, and bunch upped right below his pecs. I know drunk me was enjoying him in my kitchen but sober me would enjoy and fully remember every smooth muscle. Beautifully tanned and sculpted. I called him a child, with his messy hair and bubbly attitude, but looking at him now, I can’t see him as a child anymore.

            I internally groaned. Every moment I spent with him, I knew he was going to be the death of me. He was going to ruin and destroy me. As tempted as I was to reach out and spread my hands all over his abdomen, I needed to get up. I tried to push myself up onto my elbows without waking Eren up, his arm was draped down my torso, his hand dangerously close to the edge of my t-shirt. “Why me?” I whispered quietly. Now for the internal debate.

Do I get up or do I take this and lay here until Eren gets up?

My stomach growled again. Food was the first task. I was getting up. I gently grabbed his hand, my fingers running over the silver band. I remember watching him mess with it. It was smooth and flat, but such a dark grey it looked almost black. It was cool to the touch. I pulled at it with my fingers, slowly sliding it off his finger.

Eren’s hand quickly turned into a fist and wrapped around my hand. His breath hitched, and he sat up straight and stiff. “Please don’t…” His voice was flat but anxious.

I stared up at him, wide eyed with fear. I wasn’t sure what to do. I couldn’t get up because he still had his arm on me. I also couldn’t pull my hand back because he had an iron grip. My heart was racing in my chest, I needed my hand back. Let go. Let go of me please. I don’t want to be touched. I need to get away. I needed away, now. The muscles in my arm tightened as I tried to calm myself. “Eren…” I said very quietly. My voice came out broken and scared. “Please… let go.” I didn’t know if my words were reaching him, his grip didn’t lessen on me and I was starting to panic. “You’re hurting me, let go.” My voice was much louder this time, I was desperate, and I pleaded at him.

“Oh god, I’m sorry Levi.” Eren quickly released my hand and pulled his arm back.

I scrambled to get off the couch and far away from him. I don’t think Eren meant to hurt or scare me, I know that I shouldn’t be touching him. I shouldn’t have talked to him in the first place. The only reason all of this was happening is because I let myself get out of hand. I broke too many of my own rules. I was meant to be alone. That’s why I ended up pushing Farlan away. It was only a matter of time. What would Farlan say if he came home right now? Or a few minutes ago? I had told him that dating Isabel was a mistake and he’d throw that right back at me. That I should’ve have never talked to Eren in the first place, that I should’ve taken my own advice if I asked him to live by my standards. This was ridiculous.

“I’m going to take a shower real fast.” I walked down the hall without looking back, tucking my hand into my chest. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Not bothering to lock it. I wanted to be left alone. That’s what I do best. I push everyone away and then I hide. I’m a fucking hermit. I can’t deal with my own anxiety. My life was a mess, what was the point anyways? If I can’t live a normal life, why live at all, right?

I sat on the edge of the bathtub and put my head in my hands. “Why can’t I be normal?”

It took me about thirty minutes to pull myself back together and get in and out of the shower. I had no idea what time it was now. I didn’t really care. My days melded together during the weekends, I only knew what time it was when my alarm would go off in the mornings. I walked across the hall into my bedroom. I quickly changed into jeans and a t-shirt, throwing my white hoodie on top. I even slipped on my canvas converse to be comfortable.

I peaked out of the door, Eren still sat on the couch where I left him. He had shifted and was now staring down at his phone. He looked up in my direction when the floor creaked beneath my weight. I could see in his face he desperately wanted to talk to me. He instead said nothing. I padded softly down the hall and hesitantly sat next to him, our thighs almost resting against each other. “Eren… I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Levi, I hurt you. I should be the one saying sorry. I should be on my knees begging for your forgiveness.” Eren again played with the ring on his finger, as if somehow it comforted him. “This ring, it helps me. It blocks almost everything. It blocks my ability from running wild, without it I feel out of control. Everyone’s thoughts are so overwhelming, I can’t block them out on my own and without it… it’s like a tidal wave of voices screaming at me.”

“Is that why I can touch you?”

“Probably. Since it blocks everything out, it probably blocks you from it too. I know another telepath can’t read my mind when I have it on either. So, it probably works the same way. I can barely dip into a person’s head, I can only hear their most recent thoughts, almost like I’m overhearing a distant conversation.”

I heard the front door open. I didn’t think anything of it at first until Farlan announced himself. “Hey Levi, are you home?” I launched myself from the couch, all my muscles were stiff with fear and my hair stood on edge. I turned to face him, he stood just inside the entryway with his mouth open. “What the fuck…”

“Farlan, please.”

“No! You constantly lecture me about dating Izzy and getting too close to people, then I come home and this? Are you fucking kidding me Levi?”

I stepped around the couch and walked over to him. “Farlan… please, let me explain.”

“Let you explain?” He scoffed. “You’re the one who has been trying to dictate my life around your stupid rules.” He poked a finger hard into my chest. I felt his anger spark into me, I couldn’t divide the line between him being angry and him being scared. “You’re the one who wants to live a miserable life. You’re a selfish asshole, you know that? Your mother lived the same way as you and look what happened to her, she was a suicidal maniac. You’re going to end up just like her. Rotting six feet in the ground. All. Alone!”

“Don’t you dare talk about her like that!” I screamed at him. I reached out and grabbed his arm in fury. My thoughts directed towards pain. Pain of being burned alive. I wanted him to feel how much he hurt me. I saw Farlan grit his teeth and he dropped to his knees. I wanted him to scream and beg me to stop.

“Levi, stop.”

Tears stung my eyes and I shook my head.

“Levi, you’re hurting him. Stop.” Eren placed his hand over my fist that gripped Farlan.

I let go. Farlan dropped onto the floor, his breath was ragged as he desperately gasped for air. I stared down at him for a few moments before I grabbed my keys and my phone off the table and walked out of the apartment. I didn’t know where I was going. Anywhere was better than here. I couldn’t seem to get a fucking break.

I stood outside and let the cool air engulf me. I stared into the endless grey sky, trying to find any kind of pattern within the clouds. I can’t believe I really hurt Farlan this time. It wasn’t yelling at him anymore, I grabbed onto to him and really tried to hurt him. What was I doing? My body ached and begged me to lay down, but all the adrenaline pumping through me willed me to stand in a daze.

“Levi…” It wasn’t Farlan, I was thankful for that. I couldn’t face him right now. I brought my gaze down to look at Eren, his face was contorted with concern.

I swallowed hard, trying to make the lump in my throat go away. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I stepped forward and dipped my hands into his jacket, wrapping my arms around his warm torso. “What have I done?” I buried my face into his chest, the intoxicating smell of his cologne felt like home.

Eren rested his chin on top of my head, “come somewhere with me.”

“Where?” I mumbled.

“It’s somewhere quiet, come on.”

I nodded and let him lead me to his car. It was a silver Volvo with black interior, I honestly didn’t expect him to drive something so nice. I climbed into the passenger seat. Everything in here smelled like Eren in the best way. Eren didn’t speak another word after we had settled and had started taking off. I watched the city blur past me before it turned into fields and sparse woods.

I heard Eren sigh and sink a little farther into his seat. I tried to read his face, but that wasn’t helping. I wish I could reach out and touch him, really tell how he felt, but with that ring he was just another face in the crowd to me. The one time I didn’t want to feel normal. Eren turned his head quickly a few times while trying to keep his eyes on the road. I could tell he wanted to look at me more, he kept catching my gaze and I could see a rosy tint become more prominent of his cheeks. Ugh. What was he doing to me? I was still in a sour and pissed off mood, I was probably projecting that around me, but Eren didn’t flinch in fear or even try to run away.

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see,” he smiled brightly.

“You’re not kidnapping me, are you?”

He sputtered a laugh quickly, “no, no. I’m sorry it’s a bit of a drive, we’ll be there in about, uh, fifteen minutes. Are you okay?”

“I’m… I’m fine.” I took my gaze off him and stared into my lap. My mind went straight back to the fight I just had with Farlan. I really fucked up this time. I really hurt him. Physically. I don’t know what had came over me, if it was my emotions or his, I let it get the best of me and I really wanted to hurt him.

Eren reached over and placed a gentle hand on my knee, rubbing soft circles on the outside of my thigh. “Deep breath, okay?”

I closed my eyes and did what he said. I took a deep breath and calmed my heart rate as much as I could, although I still felt panicked and anxious. It helped.

*****

We slowed and turned onto a secluded dirt road that led through some dense woods. Eren continued until we had reached the end. There was a small white house, definitely fit a small family with maybe one child. It also looked like it hadn’t been visited in a long while. Despite the disgusting grey wet city, here, here, it was sunny and bright. The drastic change was like we travelled to the other side of the world. I opened my mouth to ask where we were, but I quickly closed it knowing that Eren wouldn’t tell me until he felt like it. No reason to be a pestering child.

I stepped out of the car after Eren had parked and shoved the keys into his jacket pocket. He quickly made his way over to my side, he reached out a hand, palm up. “Oh,” I reached out and grasped it. Eren smiled at me, his stupid dimples deepening into his cheeks. He started walking towards the house and lead me by my hand. I had a voice in the back of my head telling me to run and stay in the car, but I continued to follow blindly. We walked around the back of the house and over to a small trail that led into the dense woods. “Uh… Eren…”

He stopped and looked at me over his shoulder. “Trust me.” I stared into those bright green eyes of his, finding no reason not to trust him now. It was so weird not being able to feel his emotions, not being able to predict his intention. I’ve never been at such a loss or honestly, such a disadvantage. It was all so terrifying, I couldn’t stop now.

Everything was so quiet compared to the city. Birds chirped here and there, our feet crunched leaves and sticks, kicking small rocks around. Eren walked slow enough for me to really get a look at where we were. It looked like the trees stretched on for miles. Streaks of sunlight broke through in some parts, casting an orange glow over all the brown and green. This was almost like a dream. Could this all be my imagination?

            Eren slowed down more until I came to stand beside him. There was a break in the trees in front of us. It was much brighter than where we stood now, it felt like I was stepping through a curtain. I stepped cautiously into the little meadow, it was just a small break in the woods. I doubted it was any bigger than twenty feet in any direction, but it was so mesmerizing. All around my feet grew dark purple larkspurs and blue forget-me-not’s through the soft green grass. It was so unreal.

            “What… where… how?” I asked, completely taken aback.

            Eren squeezed my hand and led me further in, stopping in the middle. “Sit down with me.” He sat cross-legged on the grass and looked hopeful at me. I followed and sat directly across from him, our knees knocking together. I watched him fidget with the ring on his finger before slowly slipping it off. He pulled a chain out of his pocket and threaded it through the ring and then secured it around his neck. “My mom used to take me here when I was younger, it’s where I could take my ring off and I couldn’t hear anything. It was the one place I felt normal. I run away to here every time I get overwhelmed.” Eren looked up at the sky, his hair falling away from his face and exposing his neck. “I can’t fully control what I have, my mind reading, there’s so many things I can do with it. Endless abilities I still haven’t mastered. The worst of it, is just being blasted with everyone’s thoughts at once. That’s why… why I was so afraid for you to take my ring off back at your apartment. It’s almost like being blinded. I’m blinded with the screaming of other people’s thoughts. I wanted so badly to take it off, to know what you were thinking, so I knew how to help.”

            I quietly listened and studied his face, tracing my eyes from his jaw, down his neck and across his collar bones before they disappeared into his t-shirt. “I’m sorry about that.” My regrets slowly creeped back to me, as beautiful as this place was, I couldn’t truly escape like Eren seemed to.

            “Stop apologizing.”

            I huffed a laugh through, “you’re using my own words against me.”

            A smile creeped over Eren’s face, it quickly faded, and I saw him blinking over excessively. “I haven’t been here in so long.” He paused, he swallowed roughly and took a sharp breath.

            I was merely inches away from him, but I didn’t know what to do. I don’t comfort people and I didn’t know why he was upset. Should I ask? Should I try to reassure him? What do I do? I furrowed my eyebrows. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to organize my thoughts. When I opened them again, Eren still stared at the sky. A tear had trailed down his cheek and down the side of his neck. Watching others cry always made me feel uncomfortable but not with him. He was showing real emotion. This was Eren, these were his emotions and thoughts projected outwards. I didn’t need to touch him to know that he was hurting.

            I swung my legs underneath myself, so I was sitting on my knees, I leaned forward until my chest met with Eren’s and my arms were firmly wrapped around his shoulders. I didn’t stop to think that he no longer wore his ring, that I would soon be flooded with all his fears and worry.

            I felt the overwhelming need to cry, to mourn and reflect. I felt like a piece of my heart was suddenly ripped out of me. I gasped for breath, “Eren, what is this?”

            “My mother is gone too, Levi.” I felt his tears roll onto my cheek, melding with mine before they soaked the collar of my hoodie. “She passed away when I was about fifteen. She got really sick and she could no longer make it out of the house the past few years she was alive, she always told me that this was like my happy place. That whenever I missed her that I should think of the meadow, remember her when she wasn’t sick. Smiling, happy, healthy. But with each year, it didn’t get any easier.” He paused, his tears now continually falling, and his chest rose and fell heavily. “I stopped coming. I haven’t been back in two years. I’m starting to forget what her voice sounds like. They all said it get easier with time, but how much time?”

            I sat back and cupped his face in my hands. His eyes were red and irritated, and I bet her saw the same with my own. I couldn’t stop crying, not only because I felt everything Eren felt, but I knew how he felt. I knew how much he hurt right now. “I lost my mother when I was seven, it still hurts so much. It doesn’t get easier, Eren. You get used to that empty feeling… but I miss her more and more every single day.” I rested my forehead against his. “I never got to meet your mother, but if she’s anything like you, I bet she was amazing.”

            “She was… I can show you.”

            “How?”

            Eren gently pushed me back until I sat on the grass again. He rested a hand against my jaw and closed his eyes. “Don’t freak out, you’re not going anywhere, at any point tell me to stop if it’s too much.”

_Soon enough, I no longer saw Eren in the meadow, I saw the small house we had pulled up to earlier. Though, it was much brighter and newer. A woman sat on the porch steps, her long dark brown hair fluttered in the gentle breeze. She was breath taking and I had an overwhelming feeling of love for her. She smiled at me before standing and walking over. I looked up at her and smiled. She had the same green eyes that Eren had, they were bright and loving._

_“Eren, my love, what do you have there for me?” Her voice was soft and gentle, though a little distorted. It faded between a voice I’ve never heard and what I remember of Mikasa’s._

_Eren? This was his mother, this was a memory. I couldn’t control what he was doing, but I looked down at my hands and I was holding a small handful of forget-me-nots. She cusped my small hand._

_“Did you want to make a flower crown?” I nodded eagerly and let her take my empty hand while she led me back up the porch. She led me through each step, ruffling my hair when I got a knot right. When I was finished I hopped down from the steps and turned towards her. She leaned down and let me place it on her head. “It’s beautiful baby, thank you. I love you.” She gave me a wet kiss on my cheek and that was the last bit of the memory._

“She’s beautiful.” I mumbled.

“She really is…”

We sat like that for a few minutes, our tears subsided for the most part and I sniffled a little and rubbed my sleeve across my cheeks.

“Levi… what was your mom like?”

“My mom? She was… strong. As far as I remember, she was clairvoyant. I never really asked. I don’t know if she knew I was an empath or not, as much as she smiled around me, after ever hug and kiss goodnight I knew how much she was hurting.”

“Can I see her?”

“Do you mean dipping into my head?”

“Yea… I can stop anytime you want me to.”

I took a deep breath, “okay, so how do I…?”

“Just think of any memory you have of her, and I’ll be right there with you.”

I closed my eyes and Eren cupped my jaw again. I thought of my mom, beautiful and graceful. Her long black hair and her steel grey eyes.

_I sat at the kitchen table, the sounds of dishes clanking together filled the quiet room. My mother hummed quietly, her voice was so soothing. I slid off my chair and walked over to her. I wrapped my arms around her hips and laid my head against her stomach._

_“Oh, Levi. Sweet pea, what’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing,” I mumbled. “Just wanted to tell you I love you.”_

_She brushed my hair back, her fingers gently running against my scalp. “I love you too.” I hummed happily and then yawned. “I think it’s time for bed, don’t you think?” She squatted in front of me, her head tilted ever so slightly. Long black strands falling in front of her pale face. I nodded, my eyelids felt heavy. “Alright, come here.” She scooped me into her arms and stood. I nuzzled my face into her neck, her perfume smelled like lilacs and I loved it. It was home._

_The sheets engulfed my small frame, she smiled at me and tucked the blanket around my body. She tucked her long black hair behind her ears before leaning down and laying a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Goodnight Levi. Be a strong boy for mommy okay? You are a strong and so smart, you’re going to be amazing one day. Mommy loves you so very much.”_

_“I love you too.” I replied before yawning once again. She smiled down at me, but her eyes were watery. She turned quickly before I could protest._

_My vision went black for a few seconds before I felt myself wake up in a panic. My body was covered in a thin sheet of sweat. I heard my mother screaming in pain outside of my door. I ripped my blankets off myself and rushed to my door. “Mom?” I called out into the darkness. I quickly searched the house. When I found her, she was laying on her bedroom floor. Her beautiful black hair was a tangled mess. I stood hesitantly at the door. “Mom?” I called out again. She didn’t move. I took a few more steps forward._

_Suddenly a hand covered my eyes. I reached up and grasped a rough hand. “Levi, come on.” His voice was rough, it was my Uncle Kenny. He pulled me into his arms and shut the door quickly. “Go back and lay down, okay? I’ll be back in a minute.”_

_“Is mom okay?” I asked._

_“Mom is fine, just go back to bed.”_

_I wanted to scream at him that my mom was not okay, I knew she wasn’t okay. I knew what happened. I clenched my teeth and begged it to stop. I begged it all to stop. I didn’t want to feel this anymore._

“Levi?”

“Hm?” I hummed, my vision returning to the meadow once again.

“I’m sorry.” Eren removed the chain from his neck, returning his ring to his finger.

“Stop apologizing so much.”

Eren choked out a laugh, “I can’t!”

I looked at his bright smile. After everything I lived through, his smile was so beautiful, and I couldn’t help but smile with him. All my worries and fears just disappeared when he was around. Eren swung his legs around and leaned forward, his face was so close to mine. I stared into his eyes, trying to figure out his intention. He pushed on my shoulders and I fell backwards onto the grass.

“Uh, excuse me!” I yelled.

Eren plopped down next to me on his side. He gently swiped a thumb under my eyes. “I want this place to continue to have happy memories.” He laid his head on my shoulder, his nose grazing against my neck. A chill quickly ran down my spine. I felt his breath heave a few times, he had hiccups from crying. He sighed heavily and wrapped an arm around my waist. I still wasn’t sure what I could do to comfort him or anything. But laying there with him… felt right.

“Today has been an absolute roller coaster from hell.” I couldn’t remember the last time I had such an eventful and emotional day.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

I chuckled, “stop it.”

“Oh,” Eren caught himself, “my bad.”

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see it. I thought Eren had started crying again when I felt his chest heave again. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he stuttered back. Now that his mouth was open a wide grin had taken over his face and he was… laughing? I arched an eyebrow but watching his face glow, after all the mess we went through today, I couldn’t help myself but smile too. Eren propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me, his laughter subsiding but his smile seemed to be permanently plastered on his face.

I slowly brought a hand up. I brushed his soft hair away from his eyes, tucking some of it behind his ear. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Thank you for… well for trusting me and letting me bring you here.” Eren leaned his face into my hand and closed his eyes. He hummed happily. “I’ve never really seen you smile, it looks good on you.”

I scoffed and tilted my head back in the grass, drawing my gaze away from him. “Whatever.”

“No, really. You’re so intimidating,” my head snapped back up and I gave him a curious look. “In a good way. I feel like you know everything, and nothing stands in your way. Then there’s me, and I look like a child, you even said so!”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Eren. It’s cute.”

“Cute?”

“Uh, uh, I-I…” I stuttered heavily. I hadn’t meant to say that, now I’m a creep. While Eren was only a few years younger than me, he looked much younger and I looked like an old man. I had the attitude to match! “I-I uhm, I mean…”

Eren moved to rest on his forearm and leaned closer to me, his face hovering so closely to mine. “So, you think I’m cute?” He mumbled, his hot breath gently wavering over my cheek. I would’ve never thought that someone who resembled such a child would be intimidating me right now.

“I didn’t say that.” I replied, a little too fast. His bottom lip jutted out in a pout. Fuck. Fuck! How?! I feel like putty with him. I can’t think straight, and I can’t figure out what I want. I’m going crazy, but I couldn’t care less. I rolled my head to the side to avoid his gaze, “ugh. Okay, I think you’re cute.”

“I think you’re cute too, Levi.” Eren’s mouth was right next to my ear and his voice was just above a whisper. Though no one would hear us all the way out here. The way his voice said my name so easily and smoothly gave me chills. He softly pressed his lips to my jaw.

He was warm and soft, he made the hair on my neck stand. I turned my head back to face him, my mouth slightly agape.

Eren’s face was flushed and I could see he was slightly frightened. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

I quickly brought my hands up and tangled my fingers in his brown locks. I pulled him down, over me, forcing him to rest his arms on either side of my head. I didn’t stop to think, I kissed him. I kissed him hard. As if some part of me had been waiting for this moment. I’ve never had the chance to get this close with someone, ever. The empath part of me made me isolate myself. So, you could say, I have been waiting for this. Waiting for the moment I finally felt like everyone else. Eren made that possible for me.

I pulled back, breaking our kiss, and I spoke against his lips. “Stop apologizing.”

“Oh my god,” Eren replied loudly. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, letting his weight rest on me. “I hate you.”

“I knew it!” I said sarcastically.

Eren groaned, “you’re not supposed to agree with me.”

I shrugged, “you made it so easy.” I felt him take a deep breath and I bit my tongue to keep from snickering. Suddenly my stomach grumbled in displeasure and I could no long hold back my laughter. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, I was sorely reminded of it now that I was relaxing.

“Ready to head back into town? I don’t mean back to your apartment, but I only texted Mikasa that I wasn’t coming home, she has no idea where I am, and I know she’s super pissed at me. We can go to the café and get some food, and you can watch Mikasa tear me limb from limb.”

“Are you going to drink sugar again?”

“I might…” He mumbled shyly, burying his face further into my hood.

“Well you’ve got to get off of me first.”

“But you smell so nice,” Eren grumbled. His lips pressed softly onto the side of my neck, making a chill run through my body and my hair stand on edge. He hummed happily, “do you care if we stop by my place real fast, so I can change clothes?

“I don’t even care, as long as we get food.”

Eren crawled off me and stood, reaching down to take my hands and pull me to my feet. We lazily walked back to his car, holding hands the entire way.

When I settled into the passengers seat my stomach grumbled again. I groaned and wrapped my arms around my stomach. Eren scrunched his face as if he was thinking before twisting over the center console. “I’ve got a box of granola bars and fruit snacks somewhere back here.” He had already stripped his jacket and tossed it into the back, I saw him throw it onto the other side in a huff. I didn’t bother to watch him fiddle with all his junk in the back seat, I stared back at the house for a bit instead. My eyes scanning how the paint had chipped and faded. “I know it’s in this bag!” Eren complained loudly. I turned my attention to him. His t-shirt was riding up just enough that I could see his lower back.

“You have dimples on your back.”

“I know, Armin pointed it out a few summers ago. Aha! I found them, tried to hide from me—" Without thinking I decided to reach out and run my finger down the indent in his back, right above the waistband of his jeans. “Oh, uh…” He crawled back into his seat, a granola bar and a small package of fruit snacks in his hand. “Here you go,” he said quietly. His face was as red a tomato.

“Thanks.”

*****

            The drive back felt shorter than the drive there, I already missed the sun. I hate winter. After munching down on a couple packs of fruits snacks my stomach had settled enough to wait until we got to the café to eat some real food. I mindless chewed on the granola bar in my hand, it was too dry for my taste. I shoved what was left of it back into the wrapper and into my sweatshirt pocket when we parked. While I expected Eren to be living in some sort of student accommodations, we had parked in front of a house in the middle of neighborhood. It had two floors and was full brick with white shutters and a white wood porch.

            Eren must’ve sensed my curiosity because he answered my question before I even had time to ask. “My dad is a doctor, he set Mikasa and I up with a house in town, but he’s never around. Basically, he pays the bills and visits at least once a month to stay connected with us.” Eren led me up the steps and through the door. I couldn’t even open my mouth before he grabbed my hand and dragged me with him up the stairs.

            “It’s just you and Mikasa here?” I finally asked.

            Eren continued to walk me further into the house, he pushed open a door with a large wooden “E” hanging on it. “Yea, it’s a little big for just the two of us, but I mean… my dad picked it out and I didn’t really want to say no to it either.” He shrugged and walked further into the room. I guessed it was his bedroom, but what else could it be? I was taken aback by the size of it, he was able to have one side set as a bedroom and the other side was set up like a small office area. “You can come sit on my bed, let me hop in the shower and we’ll take off right after. Promise.” He gave me a small smile and patted the edge of his bed, the fluffy comforter barely giving to the weight of his hand.

            “Alright,” I hesitantly stepped in further and slowly made my way to his bed. I kicked my shoes off at his door and he stepped through another door before I could see. He apparently had his own bathroom, this boy was spoiled, holy shit. I sat on the edge of the mattress and heard the sound of water running, I tried not to think about Eren undressing just on the other side of the door. His beautifully tanned skin over his firm muscles, his messy hair, wet and sticking to his neck, running water droplets down his back.

            I let myself fall back onto his bed. My face burned but so did my body, I couldn’t stop thinking about his soft lips on mine and on my neck, the smell of his cologne, how warm and perfect he felt laying on my chest. “Fuck.” This was so not the time to be getting a boner, especially since Eren was just a door away from me. I rubbed the heels of my hand on my eyes trying to get him out of my head. That was basically impossible. I’m in his room, on his bed, and he’s naked maybe five feet away. I ripped my sweatshirt off and threw it off the bed before I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face into my arms.

            I heard the water turn off and about a minute later the door clicked open. I rolled my head to the side to watch Eren come out, at least to show him I wasn’t asleep. Eren walks out lazily, wearing only a pair of snuggly fit black skinny jeans, the waistband of his boxers peaking just above where his pants hugged his hips. He had a light blue towel draped over his shoulders and was using it to dry his sopping wet hair. I bit back the urge to groan and buried my face back into my arms. I couldn’t look at him right now, he was too hot.

            I don’t think Eren caught me staring, he was too busy with his hair. Maybe if I did pretend I was asleep, he’d get dressed and go away. I was sorely wrong. I couldn’t hear Eren’s footsteps, but I did hear him when he grunted after throwing himself onto the bed next to me.

            My head shot up quickly, I gasped hard. “Ah, hi.”

            “Hi,” Eren said, smirking. He no longer had the towel around his neck, but he hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on. “I’m wet.”

            I propped my elbow up and rested my chin on the heel of my hand. “I know, you’re going to get your comforter soaked.” I stared down at him where he was freely sprawled out across the comforter.

            “Then I’ll lay on you.”

            “You are not getting me wet,” I sputtered out before struggling to lift myself onto my knees. This comforter was too stuffed, and it felt like I was fighting it with weights on. Eren reached out and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me back down with a soft _off._ “No! You’re wet!”

            “That’s the point!” Eren grabbed my arms and pinned them to the bed above my head. He was so fast, before I knew it, he was hovering over me. The water that still clung to his hair dripped off the tips and hit me in the cheek.

            “You’re getting me wet, you ass,” I complained. I pulled my arms but Eren was much stronger than me and with all of his body weight on top of it, pulling free was not going to be an easy task.

            “And here I thought this was your wildest dream, a wet half-naked man straddling you.” I glared up at him. “Alright, I’ll let you go… on one condition.”

            “One condition?”

            “Yea… let me kiss you.”

            “You kissed me earlier.”

            “No, _you kissed_ me… I want to return it.”

            I chewed on my bottom lip for a few moments before answering him. “Fine. Kiss me.”

            Eren stared at me for a second with disbelief, I closed my eyes anticipating a quick peck on my lips. Instead I felt Eren’s lips press gently against my neck, right below my ear before he whispered very softly. “Don’t move.” I swallowed hard, trying my best not to. He laid feather soft kisses across my jaw slowly. I tried to control my breathing, my breath was deep and slow, and I tried my best to keep my heart rate down. It was so hard, because fuck, Eren is on top of me wet and shirtless, straddling my hips, and every kiss sent a chill down my spine. I wanted to squirm or move, anything, anything for any kind of friction or being able to grab his stupid face and make him kiss me. But no, I stay obedient and lay silently, biting my tongue. Eren laid a kiss right to the edge of my mouth and I waited impatiently waited to kiss him back.

            Too many seconds had passed for me and I finally opened my eyes. Eren is right there, his bright green eyes drilling holes into me. His wet hair grazing over my forehead, leaving me even more wet. _Wet asshole._ I wanted to open my mouth to protest him getting me wet or ask what the hell he was doing. But he quickly released one of my hands and cupped my jaw before kissing me soft and deep. It was the kind of kiss that steals your breath away and makes you dizzy. I kissed him back eagerly, my free hand moving to rest on his bicep. I whined into his mouth and he threaded our outstretched hands together, his long fingers holding tightly onto mine.

Eren pulled back with a stupid smirk on his face, but that didn’t hide his pink cheeks. I was completely breathless. What could I say to that but, “wow.” I mumbled, my lips swollen. Eren just stares down at me, biting at his bottom lip.

Without another word, he crawled off the bed and slipped a t-shirt on. “Let’s go get food.” I simply nodded and threw my shoes and sweatshirt on, following him back out of the house and into his Volvo.

*****

            “Eren Yeager!” The words rattled against my ear drums.

            Eren’s head sunk between his shoulders and he gave a guilty grin, “hi Mikasa.” He said in a small voice, his earlier confidence was completely gone, and he was back to a small boy. “How’s it going?”

            “How’s it going? _How’s it going?!_ ” Mikasa tore her apron off quickly, tossing it behind the counter. She angrily marched over to Eren, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and dragging him through the entrance. I followed behind, how could I miss this? I doubted that Mikasa was going to literally rip him limb from limb. But a scolding couldn’t hurt him. As much as I appreciated his help and company, Mikasa was the closest thing he had to a mother right now and he kind of fucked up. Live and learn.

            “I can’t believe you Eren! You can’t just text me, _‘won’t be coming home tonight, love ya’_ and come waltzing in the next day like nothing happened. I had no idea where you were or who you were with, no one did! You don’t even know this guy,” she eyed me leaning against the brick wall watching her, “no offense.” I shrugged and motioned her to continue. “You are completely reckless.” She sighed heavily and drug her hands down her face, “I’m glad you’re safe, next time you plan to disappear give me some warning. I know you’re not a baby, but you’re my brother and I love you and I’m going to mom you for the rest of your life so deal with it.”

            Eren looked shamefully at the pavement, his hands were buried in his jacket pockets.  “I love you too Mika.”

            “Turd,” she lightly punched in the shoulder and knocked him back a step.

Eren immediately looked up and a smile took over his face, he playfully pushed her back and laughed. “You’re a turd, you… turd.”

“Okay whatever, I’ve got to get back to work. Did you stop by to be scolded or do you want coffee?”

“Coffee and maybe… because you love me, a gooey grilled cheese!”  Eren pushed out his bottom lip in a beg and was giving Mikasa big round puppy dog eyes.

Mikasa rolled her eyes and started back towards the café, “you’re lucky I love you and you’re right, it’s about dinner time.” She paused with her hand on the door, “Levi, can I get something for you?”

“Uh-you guys have chicken club?”

“Sure do!”

“Then that, with no cheese, please… thank you.” She gave me a small nod before slipping back inside, leaving Eren and I out of on the sidewalk. I didn’t know if we should immediately follow her in or what. “That was anti-climactic, I was really hoping for some limb tearing.”

Eren playfully shoved me before making his way for the door, “there’s still time.”

We sat together in the same wooden booth as last time, in the same spots. I didn’t intend to come back. I didn’t intend to spend so much time with Eren either. We had a good time… until I yelled at him. I didn’t want to think about that. How could I not? I rip myself apart at every turn and being back in this spot, brought back all that regret. I don’t regret spending time with Eren, especially now, but I regret hurting him. I regret seeing how much I hurt him. His beautiful green eyes that held my heart, looked so sad. Eren reminded me of summer. The swirling colors of green were like the rolling hills of grass and the beautiful meadow in the woods. His warm smile and his warm skin, but also how happy his is. How bubbly and free he made me feel. When I yelled at him, I basically brought a winters chill to his peaceful summer.

Mikasa wandered over to our table with a small tray of glasses. “I assumed you’d want black coffee again, but I also brought you guys ice water just in case, your food will be out in a few minutes.”

I wrapped my cold fingers around my hot mug, “thank you.”

“Thanks Mika!”

I sipped at my coffee and let the hot air toast my face, “pure sugar again?”

Eren crossed his arms over his chest and slumped back into his seat, “it might be.” He eyed his mug before looking back up at me, “did you want to try it?”

I reached over and stuck finger in his whip cream, slowly licking it off while staring at him. “Delicious.”

He visibly gulped hard, “I didn’t mean like that, take a drink of it.”

“Fine, fine.” I set my mug down and reached for his, whip cream spilling over the top. This was going to get all over my face and then I’ll be sticky. What joy. I raised the mug to my lips, fully prepared to get a whip cream mustache. I took a good gulp and as I expected, it didn’t taste a damn thing like any kind of coffee. It was so white and sweet. I felt like I was drinking a cinnamon roll. I returned Eren’s mug to the table and looked at his expecting eyes.

“So?” He urged.

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“I knew it!” I rolled my eyes and licked the whip cream from my lips. “You stick have some on your face… old man.” Eren reached over and grabbed a napkin, I thought he was going to hand it to me, but he reached out and wiped the tip of my nose.

“Thanks… kid–” I cringed and threw my arms around my stomach, a tight stabbing pain hitting me right in the gut.

 “Levi, holy shit, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

 I think for a moment before asking, “there’s milk in your coffee isn’t there?”

“Uh yea… steamed whole milk, why?”

“I’m lactose intolerant.” I mumble out before eyeing the café, there was a sign for the bathroom and I quickly slipped out of the booth.

Eren lightly grasped my wrist, “what–where are you going?”

“I’m gonna vomit.” I twisted out of his grasp and walked quickly across the floor and made my way for the nearest toilet.

I was thankful that I only vomited once, due to the almost empty stomach I had, and dry heaved a few times before I was able to leave the stall and rinse my mouth out in the sink. Everything could have been much worse. I’m lucky I vomited this time.

“Hey,” I said in small voice before slipping back into the booth.

“Hey, are you okay?” Eren replied after quickly chewing the bite of food he had in his mouth.

“As fine as I can be, I am starving though.” I stared at our food, after emptying my stomach I didn’t think I’d be hungry. But anything to get that nasty taste out of my mouth and some actual food in my stomach. I was exhausted.

My sandwich was exactly what I need right now. It tasted so much better than I expected too. Maybe because I was starving or what, but it hit the spot just right. After scarfing down my sandwich, I moved the plate out of my way and folded my arms on the table, I rested my forehead on top.  “That was amazing.” I groaned before rolling my head to the side and yawning. “Mm, what time is it?”

“Well, considering the day you’ve had, about bed time.” Eren brushed stray black hairs from my face and tucked them behind my ear.

“Does that mean I had to go home?”

“Not unless you want to, Mikasa won’t mind, she’s going out anyways, it’s Friday.”

“What do you mean?” I raised my head a little to look at him.

He grabbed my hand and unfolded my arms, “I mean, you can stay at my place. I don’t like the idea of you going home alone again, not after last night.” My shoulders slumped as I thought back to what happened, I don’t know why I thought that drinking would solve any of my problems. “Hey–stop that, it happens Levi. Just don’t let it happen again. I’m here now, if you want me here of course.”

“I want you here.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 14,029 words later, you have chapter 3. I'm sorry it took me months to pump out, it was quite a trip. I tell you what. I wrote way over what I needed though, so you have plenty to enjoy. My heart hurts, my brain hurts. I'm going to hibernate for awhile.

The café became Eren and I’s thing. He’d stick around while I cleaned up the lab and keep my company and then we’d walk over the café together, get coffee, chat with Mikasa, do homework. Spend time with each other. We’d sit around until it was time to close, he’d head home with Mikasa and I’d head back to the apartment. That’s how we spent our time together for the next month.

I still hadn’t seen Farlan. No word. No sign. I tried not to stress about it. I didn’t knock on his bedroom door, I didn’t find his shoes laying in front of the door, I didn’t go into his room, I didn’t text him. It was like he was never here to begin with. As much as I knew he needed space and would come to me when he was ready to talk, it didn’t hurt any less. I expected him to be with Isabel, but by Friday afternoon, I was really missing my best friend. Eren had made plans with me to go out with Mikasa and her friends to a bar across town tonight. I really wanted to invite Farlan and Isabel, but I guess that’s not happening. I bit my tongue at the thought. I’m sure that when Eren had mentioned there was a band playing, it means he’s probably going to try and make me dance. I can’t dance. That I know. Even with a few drinks in me. I groaned loudly imagining Eren trying to get me to dance with him. This was going to be a hell of a time, I fucking know it.

I sat defeated on my bed, God I wish Farlan was here, I have no idea what to wear or anything, I’m completely at a loss. It shouldn’t matter, I know Eren will enjoy anything I put on, but I still had to look nice! How do people do this? I’ve already torn my closet apart and I’m about ready to tear all of my hair out. Getting dressed should not be this difficult. There should be some sort of dress code for dancing or watching some band.

As if timed perfectly, there was a knock at my door. Could it already be eleven? I threw on a pair of sweats and practically ran for the door to unlock it. “Hey, sorry, come in, I’m almost done, I swear.” Eren snorted and made his way inside where I could finally get a good look at him. He was wearing a dark wash pair of fitted jeans, a tight black t-shirt, and a dark green bomber jacket. His hair was perfectly tousled, and he smelled absolutely intoxicating. “Sweet Jesus Christ Eren, are you trying to kill me before we even get out of the apartment?”

“Shut up, go get dressed, you’re too nude.”

“Oh, so I shouldn’t go out like this? Just a pair of grey sweats, I think I look great.”

“You do, but I don’t want everyone else to see.”

“Jealous, are we?”

“No…” he lied right through his teeth.

I rolled my eyes and turned to make my way back to my room. Eren caught my wrist and stopped me in my tracks. He wrapped his arms around my bare waist, his fingertips lighting fires under my skin. I felt the soft of his shirt press against my back and he sighed heavily.

He spoke softly into the crook of my neck, “I am jealous. I don’t want anyone to see and if they do, I want them to know that you’re mine.” He laid soft kisses before wrapping his lips around the muscle and biting now, letting a small gasp fall from my lips. I wanted to protest in leaving a hickey, but honestly, I enjoyed being claimed. I also enjoyed the pain, not that I would ever fully admit to it.

“ _Eren._ ” I tried to sound menacing, but it came out as more of a whimper.

“Mmm?” Eren hummed before releasing me and running his tongue gently over his new work.

“We’re going to be late if you keep this up.”

“And?”

“ _And,_ your sister already hates me, I don’t need to give her another excuse to come after me with a sharp object.”

“Aw, but you’re just so sexy, I could keep marking you up, I know how much you enjoy it.”

“Were you dipping into my thoughts again?”

“No, but I could–”

“No, no, no.”

“Your body sure tells the tales of what you enjoy, even if your voice doesn’t.” His hand brushed dangerously close to the waistband of my sweats. “ _Although,_ the way your voice wavered definitely gave it away.”

“Shut up.”

“ _Make me._ ”

I leaned my head back against his shoulder and looked up at him. Eren could never resist my puppy dog look, I could always make him melt for me if I gave him the right look. “How could I possibly do that? I’m just so innocent, I couldn’t possibly be mean to you.” I pushed out my bottom lip and pouted.

Eren immediately dropped his head, “every single time.”

“Can I get dressed now?”

“Yes, but, you have to pay the fee.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Give me a kiss?”

“Oh man, I don’t know, that’s kind of expensive.”

“Fine, then we can just stay like this and I’ll nibble on you some more.”

I twisted in his grasp until I faced him and laced my fingers on the back of his neck, “as much as I would love that, we do need to get going.” I gave him a quick peck and slipped away and into my bedroom.

 I still didn’t have a clue what to put on, but I guess I’ll wing it and see what Eren says. After sifting through my mountain of unfolded mess I decided on my torn-up pair of black skinny jeans and my black boots, along with a tight fitting white V-neck. Something comfortable but also suits me. I really hope this would suffice. I walked back out into the living room, “how does this look?” I asked shyly, awkwardly dusting myself off.

“You look great.” Eren stood and walked over to me, gently pushing aside the color of my shirt. “I especially like this.”

I clamped my hand over his, I forgot to look at myself in the mirror. I had no idea how big the bruise was. I let go of the breath I was holding without even knowing, I felt my body visibly relax a little more. “You’re the worst, let’s get going before I change my mind.”

Eren rested his hand on my knee while he drove, and I watched the city lights blur past. I wonder if he realized how nervous I was. My hands were sweating like crazy and I had to keep wiping them on my jeans. I avoid looking at him the entire ride. I was slowly letting him drag me out of my comfort zone, but inside my head, I screamed at myself to retreat back into my apartment. The music was going to be loud and there was going to be so many people, could I really do this? How many people was I going to bump into today? I’m going to be drowning in all of their intoxicated emotions. Disgusting.

We parked, and I swear my heart stopped. I could hear the deep bass thump from outside the building when I stepped out of the car. “Eren, I don’t think this is a good idea.” After coming all this way, I got dressed to go out, I got into the car, and now I’m literally feet away from this bar… I want to back out. I’m the worst.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea, I have something for you.” He dove back into the car opened the glove box and began digging through it.

“Eren, no, please I–” He pulled out a small black cloth bag and put it into my hand. “What is this?”

“Just open it.” I sighed, a little defeated and opened the bag. I turned the bag over and a smooth silver ring rolled into my palm. It looked just like the one that Eren wore. “My dad made the one I’m wearing now, and I totally didn’t sneak some time into his lab to borrow this one for tonight. He doesn’t know right now, I doubt he’ll notice as long as I get it back to him by Monday, but for now… wear it. There is usually a lot of people in there, but I want you to have a good night without having to worry too much.”

“Thank you,” I had to put the ring on my middle finger because my fingers were skinnier compared to Eren’s and I suspected these were made specially for Eren. I didn’t feel any different when I put it on, but inside I’m sure that would change. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a very thankful hug.

“You’re welcome, are you ready to go inside?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

“You got this, come on.”

We stepped away from each other and I followed his lead, the music got louder the closer we got to the door. Even with the ring on, I don’t know if I could really do this. To be in a place full of complete strangers, having that imaginary audience creeping over my shoulder the entire time. I could tell myself a million times over that no one cares about what I’m doing, and no one is watching me, and no one knows who I am, I still won’t believe it.

Eren reached out to pull the door open, but I reached out and grabbed the back of his jacket. “Hey, I’ll be with you the entire time. If we need to go, we’ll go okay?” He raised his other arm and draped it over my shoulders, rubbing my arm reassuringly. I nodded and let him guide me through the entrance and into the unknown. I had a million thoughts running through my head and it was so hard to pin point one. I’m so thankful Eren is with me, otherwise I would’ve been too chicken to even step out of the car.

Stepping through the door was like stepping into a whole other world. While I could hear the loud thumping music outside, it was much louder than I expected. It resonated through the sea of bodies and hit my chest heavily. Lights danced along to it, and no one seemed to have a care in the world as they indulged in overly-expensive alcohol while dressed in seldom clothing. I was completely taken by surprise, not that I expected anything else. I got lost in trying to look at everyone and everything at once. It was a sea of nameless faces and inaudible conversations. Eren tightened his grip on my shoulder and led me through people, trying his best to not let anyone knock against me, and up a set of stairs. There was a small balcony that overlooked the dance floor and the stage below, but further back there were cushioned booths with soft lighting. I’m guessing they’re used for private parties and lounging. The music was a just a bit quieter, just enough to be able to speak without screaming at the top of your lungs.

“Eren!” Mikasa waved eagerly from her seat, a disgruntled blond-haired person leaned against her. If looks could kill, she could probably slice my head off with her sharp eyes.

Eren let his arm fall from my shoulders onto my waist, softly resting his hand on the curve of my hip. Was he trying to be protective or reassuring? “Mika… and who is this?”

“Well this is Annie. Annie, meet my brother Eren and his err–friend Levi.”

“Hi,” Annie said in a small voice, it was a cold as her stare. I don’t know Mikasa well enough to judge the type of people she likes, but Annie was a whole other level. Maybe it’s because she’s around people she doesn’t know. I have no clue, but for now I’ll keep my distance and hopefully she won’t try to murder me in an alley.

“Nice to see you again Annie… I’m a little old for a babysitter.” After standing awkwardly for a few seconds, Eren clapped his hands together and broke the silence between us. “Alright then, how about I go get some shots?” He leaned his head closer to me and spoke quieter, “I’ll be back soon, just make yourself comfortable.”

I hesitated to reach out and beg him to stay, _you promised you’d be with me the whole night._ I shook off the thought, I’m not a child who needs to be babysat. But comfortable? Really? I’m sitting with his sister, who I presume thinks I’m a complete asshole after refusing to shake her hand and stealing her precious brother away. And I’m also with Annie, someone who I know nothing about, surprisingly less than I know about Mikasa. I think Eren only said it to be ironic. I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath, sliding into the cushioned booth.

Clearing my throat, I spoke first. “Uh, so do you work at the café with Mikasa? I’ve never seen you around there.”

“No.” Annie said flatly, barely changing her facial expression.

“Ah… okay.”

Awkward was an understatement right now. I was thankful Eren came back with a huge smile on his face. It’s like he emitted warm sunshine. They had given him a small circular tray littered in small glasses with clear liquid, which with no doubt, was vodka.

“Guess who I found wandering around? Armin!” Armin shyly waved at all of us and leaned over to hug Mikasa before taking a seat next to her. Eren set the tray down gently in the middle of the table and slid into the both next to me, slyly wrapping his arm on my lower back. “Grab a shot, to the first of many!”

Eren set down a shot in front of me and I gently grasped it in my fingers. This was a bad idea. I watched them knock back the vodka like it was nothing. Eren scrunched his nose a bit, Armin’s face contorted into something sour, but Annie and Mikasa showed no remorse or disgust. I took a deep breath before raising it to my lips and regretfully letting it slide down my throat. _Just one._ It was still disgusting, but it went down smoothly and burned my throat and left the inside of my stomach warm.

A small high-pitched squeal pounded my ears dreams before Mikasa exclaimed her excitement. “Ahh the band is starting! Annie, babe, please. Please come dance with me! Armin you too! Jean is singing tonight.”

“Jean, oh no, please don’t. I look like crap–” Armin started to protest but Mikasa pushed him out of the booth and dragged Annie behind her as she practically barreled her way downstairs.

I felt like a deflating balloon after they left, “why do I feel like Annie would cut my head off if she had the chance?”

“Oh god I feel the same way!” Eren yelled back at me. We both burst into a small fit of laughter. “It’s best you keep your distance from her, if she looks threatening, it’s because she is.” How was I supposed to respond to that? “So… do you want to dance?”

“Mmm let me think about it… no.”

“What? That wasn’t even a second!”

“Yea I don’t need very long to weigh out all the pros and cons of me getting anywhere near any kind of dance floor. That’s on the list of ‘hell no’ zones.”

“Aw come on,” Eren pushed his lip out at me and whimpered. “ _Come on_. Armin is probably head over heels for the lead singer right now, it’s funny!” I rolled my eyes and shifted so I was facing away from him. He pressed a gently kiss against my neck, right below my ear, and sent a deep shiver down my spine. “Please,” he whispered, “for me?”

“I’m not going to dance, but I’ll come watch.”

“Fair enough!” Eren smiled brightly at me and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. My eyes were going to roll out of my head if he kept this shit up. I exaggerated a deep groan and let him take my hand to pull me out of the booth. I reluctantly let him pull me along, weaving through the crowd, no doubt looking for Armin, Mikasa, and her scary date Annie. Eren found a happy spot next to Armin and gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulder. We were a few feet from the tiny stage and I watched the little garage band set up, I wasn’t expecting anything exciting, but it was a new experience.

The music grew louder and so did my heart beat. I could feel people pressing against me and tightening around us. Pushing me into other people and closer to the stage. It was too loud and too tight, I can’t do this. I’ve got to go. It’s too much. “Eren.” I said, knocking my hand against his arm but he didn’t notice, he probably though I was just trying to balance myself. “Eren!” Still nothing. He couldn’t hear me over the people and the band. I’ll just text him. I shook my head in frustration and started to fight my way out of the crowd. I felt like I was packed away in a tight box with no oxygen and someone was pressing on either side of my lungs.

I burst through the doors and breathed in deeply, letting the cool night air fill me. Better, this was much better. I let the thumping music fall behind me, the sound of my boots kicking against the pavement and cars zooming on the roads in the distance filling my ears instead. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I squinted at the bright screen and sent Eren a text before he freaked out.

_1:21 AM Levi_

_I’m not feeling too hot so I’m heading home._

*****

I rode silently in an Uber all the way home and quietly mumbled a quick ‘thank you’ before trudging my way up my apartment stairs. Only to find a little red head perched on the ground in front of my door, “Iz?”

 “Levi, oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Isabel looked up from her lap, her eyes were puffy and red, her face was splotchy, and she still had tears streaming down her face.

“Sorry? Isabel… what did you do?”

“I-I-I don’t know. I just… Farlan, h-he–”

“What about Farlan? Where is he?” I squatted down in front of her, her whole body was shaking.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?!”

“Levi, I’m sorry! After you guys got into a fight he… he came to me and he told me everything. I didn’t believe him at first, I thought he was just playing a joke, but he showed me. He showed me what he can do! He thought someone was watching but he just brushed it off. But… but when we went out earlier someone stopped us on the way out to the car and... and…”

“And what Isabel?! What happened to Farlan?!”

“I don’t know! They had a gun pointed at us, but people came up behind, and it was all so fast. He just told me to run so I did, I ran but when I looked back they had him on the ground. He just screamed at me to keep going. I didn’t know what to do! I watched as they threw him into some van and took off. They wanted nothing to do with me, but they took him Levi. They took Farlan!”

I stared at her wide eyes for a moment before falling back onto my butt, in complete disbelief. This couldn’t be happening, Farlan couldn’t have been taken down so easily. He was such a spit fire and so resilient… and someone just scooped him up and took him god knows where. My chest ached. I don’t know who took Farlan. I don’t know where he was. I don’t even know if he’s okay.

It’s my fault, isn’t it? I fought with him constantly about keeping hidden and then I decided to keep fighting him until he ran away from me, and now… now he’s in trouble. All because of me. I should’ve just let him do what he wanted. Now I’ve really lost my best friend. I felt all of my muscles shaking and twitching nervously. _I have to breathe. I have to breathe. Calm down. You can’t help Farlan like this._ “Isabel let’s go inside.” My voice was barely above a murmur, but I willed my body up and unlocked the door, leading us both inside into the dark apartment. “We… we can’t do anything upset. I’m going to make a call… uh, fuck. Do you need anything?” She shook her head. “Alright, uh, you can sleep in Farlan’s room, I haven’t been in there since he… since he left.” She didn’t say another word and left me standing in the entryway.

Pulling at my thick black hair, I sighed heavily. Fuck. Fuck! I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts. _KENNY (EMERGENCY ONLY)._ Well this was a fucking emergency. Hesitantly, I hit the call button. It only managed to ring two times before it clicked, and I heard a gruffly, “Levi.”

“Kenny. It’s an emergency.”

“Get yourself arrested?”

“No. It’s Farlan, someone has… taken him.”

“When?”

“Few hours ago.”

“From where?”

“He was out with Isabel and they attacked him while they were out.”

“Still at that Montrose apartment?”

“Yea?”

“I’ll see you at one tomorrow.”

I was greeted with the dial tone before I was able to reply. The phone call didn’t make me feel any better, I think it actually made me feel a bit worse. My eyes burned, and my body ached. I was so exhausted, I’m no good to Farlan if I’m passing out at every turn.

Walking into the kitchen, I paused in front of the fridge. It took so much for me not to turn and tear open a bottle of anything with alcohol. Something to keep my mind off of what was going on. But this time, Farlan needed me. I took a deep breath and got myself a glass of water from the tap instead. “To the first of many,” I mumbled.

Isabel announced herself by slowly dragging her feet against the carpet and sniffling. Her hair was pulled back into a careless pony-tail… or was it a bun? I couldn’t tell. She had changed into one of Farlan’s shirts, which only made her look even more small. “Oh, sorry Levi.”

“Don’t apologize Iz.”

            “I can’t sleep, I’m so worried about him. I can’t stop thinking he’s hurt and I–I know he needs me and I’m just here doing nothing!”

            I set my glass down and pulled her into my arms. Her chest heaved, and her sobs grew louder. “I know. I know. I feel the same way.” I chewed at my tongue and kept my eyes on the ceiling. I had to be strong this time. “Uh, how about you go lay in his bed and I’ll be in there in a minute, I’ve got something to help you sleep.” She sniffed and weakly nodded against my chest. I watched her slowly drag herself out of the kitchen and back down the hallway.

            I looked to the ceiling and started counting backwards from one hundred. I had forgotten to give Eren the ring back, it now felt like a fifty-pound weight in my hand. “seventy-eight… seventy-seven… seventy-six…” I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped the ring, determined to take it off. But there was a voice in the back of my head begging and pleading for me not to. I knew once I relinquished the ring from myself, there was no going back. There goes my biggest chance of living a normal life. Of being able to go into public, to even buy my own groceries and get an actual job. To live. To live like everyone else.

            This wasn’t about me.

            _Stop being a selfish prick._

Quickly, I pulled the band from my finger and forcefully set in on the granite countertop. The _clink_ of the metal rang in my ears. Physically, I didn’t feel any different, but that nagging voice of fear became more prominent.

            _Do it for Isabel. Do it for Farlan._

            Taking one last deep breath, I pushed myself away from the sink.

            Isabel was tightly wrapped in the blankets, I wasn’t surprised she hadn’t fallen asleep yet. I kneel next to the bed and rested my hand softly on the top of her head. “Hey,” I said softly. She looked at me with her sad, puffy eyes and sighed deeply. “Close your eyes and relax, it’s hard to do when you’re not open to the idea. Think of sleep and rest. Breathe.” A tear slipped from her eye before she closed them for good and tried her best to relax under my touch. I closed my eyes when I heard her breaths start to even and pushed.

It starts as a buzzing sensation in the back of my head, like you put your head on the window while riding the train, except not as intense. And then it travels down my spine and around my shoulders, and finally down my arms into my fingertips. It only takes a second or two, but it was an exhausting process.

Isabel’s head sagged into the pillow and I removed my hand. My body now felt like a pile of wet noodles. I struggled to pull myself up from the floor and into my own room, while still managing to gently shut the door to Farlan’s room. I stripped down to my boxers and threw myself onto my bed.

*****

I tried to bring my arms forward to rub my eyes, but they were stuck. Stuck? More like restrained. I pulled and pulled only to be met with tight fabric and clinking of chains. I blinked furiously until my vision was no longer blurry and I could get a sense of where the fuck I was. Everything was so blindingly white. My knees rested against cool tile and the fluorescent lights above me buzzed loudly.

            No. It can’t be.

            I looked up to find Farlan and Isabel standing hand-in-hand in a doorway.

            “Farlan… Isabel… what’s happening?” They didn’t look at me or respond. Their eyes cast sadly down. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

            Farlan’s head slowly moved up and I got a look at his face, it was so pale. Almost inhuman. “We’re fine Levi, and you’re going to be to. You’re going to get help.”

            “Help? What–” Even though I knew I was restrained, I twisted and pulled against it, but my body felt so weak. “You can’t do this to me, let me go!”

            “I’m sorry Levi, but you need help. I told Isabel the truth, and she thinks you need help too.”

            Tears stung my eyes, “Isabel?”

            “I’m sorry Levi,” she mumbled before burying her face in Farlan’s chest.

            “If you guys are so sorry, why are you doing this?!”

            Farlan took a step forward, tucking Isabel behind his back. “Because you’re crazy, all this nonsense talk, about being able to feel things and me being able to move things with my mind. It’s all crazy talk. Your mother was the same way before she took her own life.”

            “Stop it! Shut up!” I screamed until I felt my voice go hoarse, I couldn’t look at them anymore. They’re traitors. I heard footsteps approach me and I was expecting it to be some faceless nurse here to give me medicine or food, or god knows what.

            “Mój chłopak, my son, it’s alright.”

            “Huh?” I desperately looked for the source of that sweet voice.

“Wake up.”

“Mom?”

            “Levi, it’s okay, wake up.” Eren kneeled before me, he gentle eyes looking down at me. He brushed his thumbs under my eyes, “wake up.”

            My eyes shot open and I gasped for breath. My chest quivered from my sobbing and my face was soaked with tears. I wasn’t in the white room. I was back in my own bed.

A soft groan sounded out and I lifted my head up. “You woke up,” Eren said groggily. He raised his head from my lap and smiled at me.

            “Uh… yea. How did you?”

             “I mentioned that my ring blocks my abilities for the most part, but without on I can do so much more than read minds. At night people are quiet and you seemed in trouble, so I dream walked.” He merely shrugged as if it was no big deal.

            I reached out and tapped him on the back of the head, receiving a much expected “ _ow_ ” from him. “First of all, it’s rude to intrude in people’s heads. Second, don’t take your fucking ring off so casually, and third… thank you.”    

            Eren grabbed my hand and squeezed, “when you’re upset, you push your emotions outwards. What’s wrong? Was the bar too much? D-did I do something? I’m sorry, I just wanted to give you some freedom.”

            I let my body fall back into the bed with a soft _thump_ and sighed deeply. Seconds ticked by like the hand was stuck in a thick batch of molasses. This was a conversation I never thought I’d be having. “It wasn’t you Eren.” I squeezed my eyes shut and chewed on my bottom lip before I could take a deep enough breath to calm myself. “It’s uh, it’s Farlan.”

            “Is he okay?” Eren leaned over me, his hand drifting up to grab at my shoulder.

            I choked, “I… I, uh, I uh–I don’t know.” My chest quivered, and I fought back against the burning lump in my throat. “I don’t even know… I don’t even know where he is right now. I called my Uncle Kenny for help and he’ll be here in the morning but,” I let out a choked sob, “I can’t seem to get a fucking break, can I?” I took a deep breath and sat up, leaning my back against the wall. Eren stayed on his knees at the side of the bed, he let me run my fingers through his soft tangled mess. “It seems to be one thing after another… everything was fine before–uh, well.”

            “Before you met me.”

            “Eren, don’t say that.”

            “You know it’s true,” his eyes sunk, and he turned away from me.

            “Hey, I thought I was the depressed asshole in this relationship.”

            I heard Eren snort in my lap before he rolled his head back, “relationship?”

            “Yea… with everything seemingly crashing around us, I thought it’d be the perfect time to get into a relationship. Don’t you think?”

            “Oh, of course, perfect timing. So, what are you saying?”

            “Uh, I’m saying… I’m saying, will you be my boyfriend?”

            “Ehhh, I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” Eren replied with a sly smirk carved into his face.

            “You fuck, fine.” I pulled the blankets up to my chin and pushed Eren off my lap.

“You can sleep on the couch then.” I rolled onto my side, away from his view.

            “No, I’m sorry!” Eren hopped onto the bed and pulled me onto my back.

            “No, you’re mean, I hate you.”

            He straddled my lap and pulled the blanket down to my chest, he came nose-to-nose with me and spoke barely above a whisper. “What if my answer is yes?”

            “Yes?” My face was warm, but I wasn’t sure if it was me blushing or his hot breath wavering over my mouth.

            “Yes, Levi, I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

            “Mmm, I don’t know.”

            “Who’s the meanie now?”

            “Oh, shut up,” I brought my hands up and weaved my fingers into his hair. I pulled him down for a slow kiss. “Cuddle with me?”

            “How could I say no?” Eren slipped off the bed to strip down to his t-shirt and boxers before crawling behind me and pulling me into his chest. He laid a soft kiss against the back of my neck and sighed deeply, his body becoming limp and relaxed. I pulled his arm around my waist and held his hand against my chest. I felt safer… more secure… more grounded when he’s around. I’m happy I could experience this, but I’m not sure how long this will last.

*****

            My phone blared with the sound of a sinking ship alarm and I regrettably answered. “Yea?” My voice was groggy and slow.

            “Get up boy, I’ll see you in ten minutes.” Kenny’s gruff voice replied.

            “Okay, okay, see you in ten.” I groaned and pulled the blanket back over my body. My room was cold but underneath the blanket was warm, it’s where Eren was. I turned from my phone to find Eren still fast asleep. His messy hair somehow got even more unraveled while he slept. I reached out and brushed the strands off his forehead, how did this shy boy from class turn into such a piece of me? The guilt of dragging him into this is going to haunt me forever, but for now, my worst demon was getting out of bed.

            After lying with Eren, I had a good five minutes to get up and put clothes on before Kenny arrived, ready to knock the door down. I had no energy to dig through my closet or my dresser, so I grabbed the clothes I was wearing last night and wiggled into them. I quietly slipped out of my room and shut the door behind me, I glanced down the hall to see Farlan’s door still shut. Isabel must still be sleeping.

            Right on cue, there was a knock on the door. I didn’t hesitate to open the door for him and not speak a word. I sometimes wondered how we were related when I had to look up to his six-foot-two ass, damn giant.

            “Damn, boy, doesn’t look like you’ve grown any.”

            “Doesn’t look like you’ve shrunk any, you giant bastard.”

            “There he is,” he tapped a hard hand on my back and laughed. “I’ve missed you brat, if you could believe me.” He sighed heavily, “let’s sit and you tell me what’s going on.”

            I sat cross-legged in the wooden chair at the dining room table, my small frame fitting perfectly perched. Kenny took the seat across from me in silence. “Farlan and I got into an argument about a month ago, so he went to stay with his girlfriend Isabel, who, at the time, didn’t know what we are… what we can do. I came back last night and found her outside my apartment, without Farlan. And uh, she’s freaking out trying to tell me the story, uh, well, as far as I know someone saw something and a group of people attacked them and took Farlan.”

            “Okay, where’s Isabel now?”

            “I’m right here,” a small voice chimed in. Isabel stood in the doorway of the kitchen, her messy curls pulled into a tight bun exposing her drained face. “I’m Isabel.”

            “Good afternoon sweet pea, I’m Kenny, Levi’s uncle.”

            “Nice to meet you, sir,” she replied.

            “No need for sir here, come sit with us, I need to talk to you as well… fill in some holes for me here, how about you tell me about the people who took Farlan?”

            Isabel took a seat at the table with us and looked into her lap, her hands fidgeted with the edges of Farlan’s hoodie she wore. “They came so fast, they were so strong, they knew what Farlan could do, after they got him they didn’t bother coming after me. I don’t think they wanted me in the first place.”

            “What were they wearing?”

            “It looked like some sort of military uniforms, but they were all black and had some weird symbol.”

            “Could you draw that symbol out for me?” Isabel nodded at his words. Kenny reached into his jacket, grabbing a pen and small notepad from the breast pocket. We both waited patiently as she scribbled out some lines. It looked like nonsense to me, but Kenny’s heavy sigh told me it was much more than that. “I expected as much, I’ve been chasing these damn people for god knows how long now.”

            “What is it Kenny?” I asked.

            “This is an old Viking symbol, it stands for creation. The fucking bastard that owns this corporation likes to play God, so it was only right he choose this. My leads were bringing back to this town of yours, it was only a matter of time before you called me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m happy it wasn’t you, but I’m still not pleased that they took Church. He’s a strong young boy, got a bit of a mouth, but I’m sure he’s fine… I’ve got someone on the inside I’ve been communicating with, one of their scientists, we’ve been waiting for a good time to strike, now is a good as time as ever. I’ve got to make a call and we’ll sit down and talk again when they get here. For now, be human, eat, shower, dress, whatever you do.”

            I didn’t bother to stick around any longer, I retreated to my bedroom. Behind the closed door, nothing could bother me. I gently crawled back into bed, slipping myself right against Eren. I laid my head against his chest and listened to his slow breaths. Grounding myself with him. He was real, this was real.

            I didn’t want to think of Farlan. I didn’t want to think of how hopeless I felt right now. I only want to think of Eren and how he made me feel. Yet my heart ached still. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I draped my arm over Eren and silently hugged him.

            “Stop apologizing,” His voice was groggy and deep. He looked down at me with a smirk.

            “How did that become our thing?”

            He shrugged, “it happens… what were you apologizing for?”

            “I don’t know, I just… I feel bad for dragging you into this.”

            “Dragging me into what? Your life? Levi, if I didn’t want this, I would’ve already left. I always had a choice to say no, and did I?”

            I pouted, “no.”

            “Exactly, so I’m not going anywhere.”

            “You sure?”

            “I’m one hundred percent sure.”

            “Okay…”

            “I’m also one hundred percent sure we both went to bed in boxers so, why are you wearing your clothes from last night?” Eren played with the seem of the sleeve of my t-shirt.

            “Oh, ugh, Kenny is here, we’re waiting on one his ‘ _leads_ ’ to come over.”

            “Ah, alright, do I have to get up?”

            “Mmm not yet.”

            “Mmm good,” Eren wrapped his arms around me and laid a wet kiss to my forehead. I tried to wiggle out of his grip but he’s stronger than I am, at least in this position so I had to sit and take it.

            Behind the closed door. Right now. Nothing can take this away from me. We laid there together, tangled in each other’s limbs. We only moved when a knock came from the door and I knew the moment had to end.

            “Levi, they’re here.” Isabel announced.

 “Hanji Zoe,” Hanji held their hand out, though their expression was bright as can be, I could feel the dismal emotions creeping through their palm. It lurched in my stomach and I had an urge to ask, but I regrettably swallowed the uncomforting lump in my throat and shook their hand.

“Levi,” I responded.

They clapped their hands together as if to signal the start of a long journey. “You’re lucky I was still in town, I was just about to head out but when Kenny told me he was in town, I expected to be needed. Alright, so I’m guessing Kenny gave you enough information to get the gist of who I am. Long story short, you’re going to come back with me.”

“What? No!” Eren yelled. He stepped forward, pushing his arm against my chest. “No, no, there has to be another way!”

“I’ll do it.”

Eren’s head snapped back to look at me, “no. NO. No, you won’t. I’ll go, let me, don’t take him.” His desperate voice made my chest ache.

Hanji looked at him with the same concern I felt, “I can’t Eren, I’m sorry.”

“Why not?!”

“I just can’t, Eren. You need to calm down, okay? Levi will be fine with me, I promise. He’ll be in my care. He will come in as my subject voluntarily and will be under my supervision, no one else will touch him but me.”

“Eren, please, let me do this. I need to do this,” I said. I gently grabbed his arm that protectively blocked my chest. “Please.”

“But…” his eyes silently pleaded with me.

“Please.”

He sighed heavily and dropped his arm, I was pulled into his chest and I relished in how he smelled and how tightly he held me. _“Promise you’ll be safe.”_ Eren’s voice spoke directly inside my head. It was the weirdest sensation, like someone was poking in the back of my head but I couldn’t quite pick out where. I couldn’t grasp the physical touch because there was nothing there.

I broke our embrace and looked up at him, his eyes always reminded me of the vast forests in the mountains. Peaceful and tranquil. Vast, holding so many stories that would take a lifetime to tell. I know he tried to hide it from me. His fear, his worry, but I could see right past it. That cheerful boy I know so well became a battle scared knight right before me. _“I promise.”_

Hanji turned to Isabel, who sat curled into her chair. They kneeled and spoke softly.  “I assume you’re Isabel, I’m sorry to hear about Farlan dear, but I’d like you to come with me right now, okay? You and Kenny will stay at my place. You’ll be safe there.”  She nodded and let Hanji take hand and help her up.

I watched them busy themselves with packing clothes and making small talk. Hanji instructed me to pack nothing and left, taking Kenny and Isabel with her. “They will both be well protected at my safe house, Eren you are free to go on normally. Since they’ve seen Isabel, Kenny will stay with her until this is figured out. I will return at dusk, you have until then.”

I listened to the door click shut and finally let my head fall. I sighed harshly, “what am I doing?”

“You’re doing everything you can.”

“Call me crazy?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Cause all I want to do right now is lay in bed,” I reached out and grabbed his hand. I toyed with his fingers gently, feeling each knuckle. “Come lay down with me?”

“How could I refuse?” Eren cocked me a small smirk, but his soft attitude just made me giddy.

I pulled him back to my room. I knew I only had a couple of hours with him before Hanji would be back to take me away and I have no idea how long I’d be gone. I want to spend these last few hours with him, I wanted to be as close as possible. He made me feel so safe and secure and I want to remember what that feels like, even after I leave. I didn’t know when I’d be back, but I was also prepared to never come back… not that I would ever tell Eren that.

Eren crawled back into the spot he left, naturally filling the space on my bed. I tried my best not to show how much I was hurting or projecting my emotions, but it was so hard. It was so hard to hide something from the one person you tell everything to. I couldn’t hide much from Eren, not that I wanted to, and it was so easy to tell him anything. Even though he could see it before I even realized what was happening. My chest ached for him, but I brushed it aside for now because we are here now. We are together right now and that’s all that matters.

“Why are you wearing clothes to bed?” I questioned.

“Oh? I’m sorry, you want these off?”

“Well they’re dirty and you’re laying in my clean bed.” I crossed my arms and tried my hardest to look grumpy to hide my burning cheeks.

“Excuses, excuses, but fine. I _guess_ I’ll take them off.” Eren pulled himself to the edge of the bed, his long legs let his feet sit snuggly on the floor while mine would only dangle helplessly. He stripped himself of his shit before he reached out and grabbed my hips, gently pulling me between his knees. “You’ve seen me like this before, what’s got you in such a twist Levi? You haven’t been this shy since we first kissed.”

“It’s nothing,” I grumbled.

“No, it’s not,” Eren reached up and untangled my arms, taking my hands in his. He massaged smooth circles on the tops of my hands with his thumbs. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand, but don’t spend our last few hours with each other curled up in a little angry ball.”

“Are you calling me short?”

“No, but if the shoe fits.”

I pulled my hands away and pushed on his shoulders, “just because I’m short doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass.”

“Oh, I’m so scared. I practically shaking in my boots.”

My sudden boost of confidence didn’t last very long. I could feel all the adrenaline pumping me up, ready for me to make a move but instead I stood, frozen with stage fright. We were looking directly at each other, but I stared right past him. This past month that we had been seeing each other was full of teasing jokes, cuddling on the couch and napping curled up together, sharing food, stealing quick kisses. Innocent couple moments. I wanted to push past that and I know that Eren respected my boundaries, but why was is so hard for me to make the first move? I wanted to do this, I wanted to be able to do this for myself and for him, but I just couldn’t. Everything became so overwhelming so fast.

“Levi?” Eren questioned softly. I’m more than positive he knew what was happening. I didn’t allow him to dip into my thoughts, I don’t think I could actually stop him, but I could feel it when he did. But apparently when I’m upset I can project my feelings out onto other people without touching them and without knowing. I continued to have the same empty stare, even as Eren moved away from my line of vision. It was only a few seconds of rustling before Eren slipped in front of me and took me into his arms. “Breathe.”

I took the deepest breath I have in a long time. I felt like I had dived under the water for far too long and I reached the surface in the nick of time. Water teasing my throat as I gasped for any air against the waves around me. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled into his chest. Eren had put his shirt back on and I gladly buried my nose into it, taking in all of his sweet smells.

“Didn’t we have some sort of agreement to stop apologizing all the time?” Eren let out a small breathy laugh, “plus, you have no reason to apologize Levi.”

I tilted my head down, avoiding his gaze. “What am I going to do without you?” Eren’s arms fell and he quickly turned me and pushed on my shoulders until I sat on the edge of the bed. “What… what are you doing?” He dug desperately into the front pocket of his jeans, producing a small key that hung from a thin leather strand. Slowly, he brought it over my head until it wrapped around my neck. I reached up and turned the small brass key in my hands, admiring the carving. “What is this?”

Eren kneeled on the floor in front of me and rested his arms on my thighs, “it’s the key my mother gave me. She had a music box that Mikasa and I adored, it was my mother’s favorite song. My mother told me stories about how she played violin when she was younger and ‘Claire De Lune’ was her favorite. She would go to the symphony with my grandparents and the look on her face said it all honestly, she’d be at a loss for words to describe how beautiful it was, and she’d get this hopeful look in her eyes. I always tried to imagine what it sounded like, but I knew nothing could really compare to it. Uh, but this key opens the box. She gave me the key and Mikasa has the box. I guess it was kind of her way of keeping me and Mikasa close after she was gone. It’s always brought me comfort when I needed it, but now, you’ll have a piece of me whenever you need it.”

“Eren… Eren I can’t.”

“Please? For me?”

“Of course.”

His hand drifted to cup my face gently, giving me comfort. He didn’t give me a chance to protest or have any second thoughts before his warm lips pressed to mine. This was a lot like our first kiss that we shared in the meadow. After an awful emotional battle, we found comfort in each other’s embrace, to be able to share a small intimate moment and make it feel like everything was fine. I loved the feeling his long, narrow, hands on my cheek and in my hair. I loved the feeling of his lips on mine, on my skin. It sparked every nerve under my skin. Without his ring on, I would be able to fully feel what he was, but the emotion he put into every touch was immaculate. I didn’t have to guess with him, I didn’t doubt with him.

I let my hands tangle in his hair and pull him closer into me, turning our sweet kiss into something hungrier. I wanted Eren to know, to feel, how much I wanted him right now, with or without my projection. He caught on easily, following my actions and rising from his knees. Our kisses were sloppy and desperate as we moved. His fingers danced at my hips. Helplessly trying to find the hem of my shirt. I pushed him back, quickly pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it somewhere, away from us. He pushed my back against the bed and hovered over me, finding a perfect spot between my legs, pushing my knees so they rested on either side of his hips.

“Nice hickey,” Eren mumbled as he ran his fingers gingerly over the bruise.

“Thanks, this really hot guy left it on me.” I replied smugly

“Damn, was it good?”

“So damn good.”

“So… does that mean, you want some more?” He chewed on his bottom lip.

I bit my tongue at the images of Eren littering me with bruised and bite marks. “I might, I definitely wouldn’t say no.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, please, dear God, please bite me.”

Eren let out a deep groan, almost pained, and I absolutely loved it. One hand slipped beneath my back, just between my shoulder blades, and the other right above the curve of my butt. I was swiftly picked up into his arms, I underestimated how strong he was, and moved without thinking until my head rested in my mountain of pillows. His arm pulled my shoulders off the pillows, giving him full access to my neck and he aimed for the same spot. Relentlessly biting onto my tender, bruised skin.

He gave a few gentle kisses to the side of my neck before laying me back down against the bed. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, my body was wrecked with adrenaline, but I felt more like a wet noodle. I wanted so much more though.

Eren’s kisses were antagonizing, slow and gentle, his teeth barely nipping at my skin. I could feel my blood pumping harshly through my veins. My body begged to be pained and painted in love marks. “Eren, this isn’t what I meant.” I complained.

“My apologies, did you mean something like this?” He quickly dove his head and licked the inside of my hip bone before biting down on the soft skin between my hip and my ribcage, sucking softly. Leaving me another red mark that would bruise soon enough. I felt my back bow without my permission and a hard grunt released from my chest. “Ah, I get it now. You know, I always wondered if you were rough type or a gentle type. I’ve dreamed of hearing you beg beneath my hands.”

My hands flew up to cover my face, embarrassment flooded me. “Oh my god.”

“I mean, you were saying that, but much more… I don’t know, seductively.” He pouted and rested his head in the curve of my hip.

“ _Eren._ ” I warned.

“Sorry, sorry, I ruined the moment. Can I still save it?”

I lowered my hands so I could peak at him through my fingers, “make out with me, pull my hair, bite me, fuck me into my mattress–I’ve said too much.”

“No, no, I think you’ve said just enough.” He moved my hands away from my face. His sly smirk was inches away from me and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kiss him or smack him.

“What happened to my shy and sweet Eren?”

“I’m not sure, what happened to my hard-ass Levi?”

“When you put your hard dick against my hard ass.”

I could see his face flush in an instant, that was the Eren I knew. “Oh, my bad, thought my jeans was saving me from that.”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re doing the same thing to me.” I replied chewing on my lip. “But speaking of jeans, why are you still wearing dirty clothes in my clean bed?”

“Look who’s talking!”

“Well for one, it’s my bed, and two you have successfully made me feel like a wet noodle, so I don’t think I could even manage to get them undone.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that,” his voice teasing.

“I know, it’s terrible, help me?”

“No problem.” He gave me a quick kiss and trailed his way with his lips. Stopping to bite at me and bruise my pale skin. I squirmed underneath him the closer he got to my waistband. I could feel the heat growing in the pit of my stomach. Gently his hands ghosted over my waist and down my hips, and only stopped when they reached my zipper. Eren made an effort to enjoy watching me suffer, the few seconds he took to pop the button and pull my zipper down felt like hours. Without hesitation he pushed his knees underneath the edge of my butt and pulled my jeans down my thighs. I pulled my legs forward, letting him pull the tight fabric around my ankles off and tossing my jeans somewhere in the room, just like my shirt. He ran his index finger from the bottom of my belly button until it hooked onto my boxers and continued to pull, exposing my sensitive skin. He placed a wet kiss right above the base of my cock and then relinquished me of my final piece of coverage. “I love the way your skin smells, especially when you’re aroused. It’s heavier, _thick._ ” He put extra emphasis on _thick_ and licked his lips.

“Oh my god, stop talking and take your pants off.”

“I’m enjoying the view, plus, I don’t think you’re in any position to make demands.” Eren dropped forward, slapping his hand down next to my head on the pillow. He hovered right over me and snaked his other arm down to grasp my hardening erection. My muscles jolted in surprise.

“You’re the worst.”

“But you like it,” his sultry voice ran shivers down my spine. He gave a few languid strokes before sitting back again and made do with his pants and boxers, finding a happy home on the floor with the rest of our accumulated clothing.

I felt like I was blushing from the neck up, Eren and I have never seen each other like this, no one has ever seen me like this. My body was pumped full of adrenaline, my head felt like, my breaths were uneven and shallow. Eren seemed to sense my unease and slowly brought his body over mine.

He brushed a few hairs from my face, “are you alright? Is this too much?”

“No, no, you’re fine. I–I’ve never done this before. Any of it.”

“Not even to yourself?”

I huffed a laugh, “I meant with someone else.”

“It’s okay, let me take care of you, okay?” He cupped my cheek and smiled softly, “tell me what you want, and I’ll do it, and if it’s ever too much or you want to stop, say something and we’ll stop. Okay?”

I took a deep shaky breath, “okay.”

“Okay.” He brought our lips together, stealing what little breath I had. “What do you want, Levi?” His nose pushed against my chin and I turned my face, giving him full access to unmarked skin. “Tell me.”

In between small gasps and weak moans I managed to speak, “touch me, p-please.”

“Where?” His hand grazed over my chest and down my stomach, my muscles tightened wherever his fingers touched. “Down here?” He gripped my cock again, stroking it a few times before he paused and ran the pad of his thumb over my leaking head. Spreading pre-cum over his fingertips.

“Mmhmm,” I whimpered in response. My chest shuddered when he started to pick up his pace. “F-f-f-fuck. Ah. Fuck.” I pressed my head back into my pillows and grabbed desperately at my bed sheets. “I… I want…”

Eren pressed a kiss to my throat, “what do you want baby?”

“I…” I swallowed hard, “I want you.”

His hand faulted, I had caught him off guard. “How do you want me?”

“I w-want you to fuck me, p-p-please. Please fuck me.”

“How could I say no when you ask so nicely? Do you have lube and a condom? I might in my bag.”

“No, no, I got some.” Eren released me and I rolled onto my stomach and reached for my nightstand.

“You have such a cute butt, you know that?”

“Shut your mouth before I change my mind,” I threatened. “Got it,” I said triumphantly, I raised my arm as if I had been awarded a trophy.

“Bomb, hand it over.” Reaching back, Eren gladly accepted it. “You’re incredibly sexy like this, I could fuck you like this if you’d like.” He hovered over my back, placing kisses up my spine. He stopped at my shoulder and rested his chin, “from this angle I can really hit your sweet spot.”

Internally, I groaned, but I honestly loved the idea. “Better keep your word then.” Of course, I was shy about letting Eren see me like this, he had given me no reason not to trust him. He told if I wanted to stop at anytime I could, I can do this.

“Get onto your knees and you can rest your head on the pillow, you can relax.” I trusted him and let his hands guide my hips back up. “Beautiful.” Somehow the compliments made me blush more than anything. I laid my head down and rested my arms around my head, enjoying the fact that I still got my pillow. The cap popped open and Eren dribbled cold lube onto his fingers, “you tell me to stop if it’s too much, I don’t want to hurt you, okay?”

“Okay.” I mumbled back.

One hand rested on the back of my hip and rubbed circles idly on my lower back. Eren’s two fingers traced around my entrance slowly, the lube still a bit cold, but it didn’t bother me. I closed my eyes, anticipating the small discomfort. One finger slowly pressed into me and I let out a sigh. Eren slowly moved in and out, pushing farther each time until his was to the base of his knuckles.

“You okay baby?”

“Mhmmm.” I nodded.

“Want me to add another?”

“Please, yes.”

I felt his finger pull back and more pressure added when he pushed back in. I could feel a slight burn, not enough to stop, but I squeezed my eyes shut. He did that same, slowly in and out until he was to the base of his knuckles. With each stroke the sting dulled, and my breathless gasps turned into pleasurable moans. My arms slid beneath my pillow and I pushed myself onto my forearms to give myself more control. I wanted so much more than Eren was giving me. I hesitated to move my hips, but as slow as he was moving, I had to. I bit onto my lip and pushed my hips back against his fingers and groaned loudly.

“Faster,” I moaned, my head dropping between my shoulders.

Eren’s idle hand grabbed firmly onto my hip and he pushed faster, his fingers pumping in rhythm to mine. “Like that?”

“Mhmm, fuck, yea, yea, like that.” His fingers curled, and I felt him graze across smooth muscle and all my stomach muscles instantly contract. “Right there, oh my god, please, do that again.”

“Want one more?”

“Yes, please, just touch me there again.” I didn’t notice the sting this time, I was too overcome with euphoria. His fingers rubbed perfectly against the smooth muscles and deep moans escaped from my chest, noises I didn’t even think I could make. “Eren, Eren, I’m going to cum if y-you keep doing that.”

“That was the plan.”

“F-Fuck you.”

“When and where baby?”

“Right here, now. Please, please just fuck me.”

Eren pulled his away and I whimpered at the loss. I was finally able to catch my breath, I felt light headed and my throat felt hoarse. We weren’t even done yet. Eren popped open the bottle of lube again and put a generous amount onto his own cock. He caught me watching him and gave me a quick smirk. I buried my face into the pillow. I felt his chest against my back and he whispered softly into my ear.

“Ready?”

“I’ve been ready.”

I could feel him smiling against my shoulder before he kissed my shoulder back and sat back. The head of his cock rested at my entrance and it took every ounce of will I had not to snap my hips back. Eren pushed slowly, I know he was trying not to hurt me, but going snail speed I could not handle. _Fuck it._ I pushed myself back fast until I met his hips. “ _Ah, fuck, fuck, finally._ ”

Eren grunted and groaned loudly, “dammit Levi. I about came right there.”

“My bad,” I said shyly.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay, just give me a second.” Eren took a few deep breaths. He grabbed one of my hips to steady himself before leaning forward until his chest rested on my back. His mouth wavering right over my shoulder. “Still want me to fuck you into the mattress?”

“Do it.” I challenged.

I could feel him smirking again, his hips slowly pulled back before snapping forward, his cock rubbing directly over my prostate. “ _Ah!_ ” I whimpered. “Oh god, just like that, please.”

“Gladly, don’t hold back that beautiful voice of yours.”

“Does that turn you on?”

“It drives me crazy.”

Eren found my pace and continuously snapped his hips, keeping me whimpering. It was like no other feeling, it was true bliss. My body was overloading on adrenaline and endorphins. Spit dripped from my mouth and tears stung my eyes, I didn’t want this feeling to end. It was too good. The heat in my stomach grew until I felt like I was going to burst.

“E-E-Eren, Eren, I’m gonna c-cum. Fuck, please, I’m gonna cum. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._ ”

“I know baby, so am I, so am I.”

He sat back up, his grip on my hip tightened and he pulled me harder against him. His over hand finding my cock and stroking me at the same pace. I squeezed my eyes tighter as my muscles contracted. My breath caught in my throat and my muscle spasmed for a few seconds before I felt limp. Eren moved slower a few more strokes before I heard him moan desperately and pulled out. He fell onto the bed next to me and gasped for air, his chest rising and falling heavily. I let my hips fall to the side, so I was facing him. I reached out and brushed back locks hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.

“Hi.”

“Hi baby.”

Our voices sounded horse and worn. “Fuck.” I said before laughing softly.

“Feel good?”

“Hell yea, you feel good?”

“God yes.”

We both smiled like idiots at each other, relishing in our post-orgasm glow. “I need to change the sheets, and we both need to shower.”

“Sounds like a plan, you go shower first and I’ll change your sheets, okay?”

“You don’t have to–”

“I want to.”

I couldn’t argue even if I wanted to, a shower sounded amazing right now. We quickly kissed before parting to clean up and return to a decent nap with extra cuddling before I had to leave. After I was finished with my shower, Eren hopped right in, and I laid down on the fresh clean sheets. Once I settled and pulled the blanket over myself, I was determined to never move again, my body wouldn’t allow it.

I dozed off a bit while Eren was cleaning up because when I opened my eyes again, Eren was crawling into bed next to me, happy to be the big spoon.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t realize I fell asleep.”

He pressed a kiss to my temple and gather me in his arms. “Don’t worry about it,” he yawned loudly, “I’m tired too. Let’s get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay.”

*****

I wasn’t allowed to attend my mother’s funeral. Though at the age of seven, I doubt I would’ve truly understood what was going on and still handle the grief. As I followed Hanji out of the apartment, I imagine the pain I felt as Eren watched me leave, is how her funeral would’ve made me feel. I know the smile he had was complete bull shit. Neither of us truly knew where I was going or how long I’d be gone. I never expressed the fear I had that I would never return, but I could tell he sensed it. Even with the ring firm on my finger, my face couldn’t hide my fear.

I did as I was instructed, and packed nothing, not even my cell phone. The clothes on my body and Eren’s key. I felt so helpless. I knew to trust Kenny and I know he wouldn’t let Hanji take me if he didn’t trust her, but that didn’t stop the pit in my stomach. I was ready to lay down my life to save Farlan and make up for what I did. I stared aimlessly out the car window, not recognizing anything around me. Everything had an orange haze from the sun setting beyond the tree tops. The sky had turned into pinks and purples, a dark blue slowly swallowed the bright pastels until I could see nothing but stars. Hanji drove down the most obscure roads that I didn’t even know existed, I had no choice but to trust them.

“It’s going to be a long drive Levi,” Hanji glanced at me through the rearview mirror. “You can kick your feet up on the seat and lay out, I don’t mind. We’ve got a couple hours to go.”

I sighed heavily and took advantage of having the backseat to myself, I tried to rest my head against the seat and shut my eyes but that pit in my stomach was making me so nauseous. I didn’t notice I had fallen asleep until I was awoken. Hours had passed before I felt a hand at my knee, I only knew because the sun had fallen far beyond the horizon and the clear sky was littered with stars, but no moon, making it eerily dark. Hanji had a soft grasp of my knee and squeezed until she saw my fully open my eyes.

“You have a minute to get yourself together,” they spoke like a parent, concerned but guiding. “I’m a mile or so from the clinic, but I need you awake so I can get you checked in.” The car pulled back onto the desolate, dark road, driving towards what looked like a hospital on the edge of a small town. It sat at the top of a valley, looking down at the little town. Almost menacingly. I’d give anything to have Eren’s power, so I could tell Farlan I’m here and that he’s going to be fine. But I swallowed the lump in my throat and left my only escape when Hanji ushered me out.

They led me through a series of hallways, just as bleak as any hospital I’ve ever been in. I tried ignoring the aching feeling in my chest, but being one step closer to Farlan, knowing he could be beyond any one of these doors just made me ache more. I wanted to run and scream, bang on every door until I found Farlan. I was guided through a dark wood door with a sign that said, “ _Dr. Hanji Zoe_ ”, no doubt their office, I would not find Farlan here.

Hanji went over to a desk that was messier than anything I’ve ever seen, I could feel myself cringing at the paper laying haphazardly. It wasn’t long before they darted over to another door, I have no idea where it led but they came back within a few seconds carrying a neatly folded pile of scrubs. They offered it out to me, “I need you to change into these and then I need to fill out some files for you. We’ll get you all squared away and into your room for the night, there’s nothing you can do tonight. We’ll get started on the big move tomorrow, for now, act clueless.”

I stood with the navy-blue scrubs in my arms and stared speechless. “Uhhh… do you want me to strip here?”

“Oh! My apologies follow me.” Hanji made their way back into the hall and opened another door. “It’s just a small bathroom, fold your clothes up for me and I’ll keep them in my office. Don’t worry, you’ll get them back.” They gave me a small smile before closing the door and leaving me alone to change.

I took a moment to take everything in. The small bathroom shouldn’t produce this much noise. Why was there so much noise? Why is this bathroom so small? Where is that noise coming from? I could leave, I could leave right now. But where would I go? Who would stop me? Where am I anyways? I can see a white sink… myself in the mirror, a sink, tile wall, a toilet. I can touch the clothes in my arms, the cold sink, the wall, the door. I grabbed onto the bathroom door handle, it was so cold. God it was so cold. My hand slipped right off the knob. What am I doing? _Leave. Get out. Come on._ My arms were numb. My body won’t listen. _Please. Just let me out._ I walked backwards from the door until my back hit the cold tile wall. I can hear… water dripping, the light buzzing, my heart beat in my ears. Why didn’t I let Eren talk me out of this?  I can smell rubbing alcohol and cheap soap. Why did I have to be the hero? I can taste metal.

I sunk to the floor and pulled my knees as close to my chest as I could. The scrubs crumpled in my grasp and I buried my face into them. I don’t know why I expected them to smell like Eren, but I was sorely disappointed when they didn’t. It made my heart ache for home and for familiarity. Sobs heaved against my chest. I was drained and exhausted and helpless, I’d give anything to go back home and put this behind me, but Farlan saved my life more times than I could count. I had to do this. If I didn’t, who would? Who could? My fingers snaked the key out from underneath my t-shirt. I gripped it tightly, the teeth digging painfully into my palm. Reminding me that I’m still alive. “Fuck.” I whispered.

I don’t know how I changed clothes and made it back into Hanji’s office, but I did. I stood right in front of her with my clothes piled in my arms. The scrubs felt foreign and stiff, making my skin look an even more sickly pale. “Where did you want me to put these?” I asked, breaking their concentration from the clipboard in front of them.

“I’ll take them, I will bring them back to the safe house, so you won’t ever have to miss them. I will let you keep your jewelry however, I know this place will be disorienting.” Their chipper attitude made me feel uneasy, I don’t understand how Kenny can be around them for more than five minutes at a time. “Take a seat and we’ll fill this paper work out, then sleep.”

“Alright, let’s get on with it.” I grumbled before sitting awkwardly in the nearest chair without books piled on top.

“Name?”

“Levi Ackerman.”

“Age and birthday?”

“Twenty-six, December twenty-fifth.”

“Christmas baby, cute. Specialty?”

“Huh?”

They peaked over the rim of their glasses, “your specialty. Like a super power, Farlan obviously harnesses telekinesis.”

“Oh,” I sighed at the mention of Farlan, “uh, empath.”

“Any family history of a specialty?”

“Mother, yes. Father, unsure.”

“Alright, any siblings then?”

“No.”

“Any past surgeries, hospitalizations, major injuries, tests, or allergies?

“No, lactose intolerant though.”

“Taking any current medications?”

“No.”

“Drug use?”

“I smoked some weed when I was a teenager, but now, no.”

“Last one, any change you could be pregnant or are planning to become pregnant?”

I almost choked, “I’m a guy.”

“Well, all those beautiful hickies you got there suggest someone likes you quite a bit.”

I brought a hand up over my neck and swallowed hard. “Yea.”

“That’s all I have for you, my assistant Moblit will take you to your room and we’ll start getting you in a routine in the morning.” They tossed the clipboard onto the desk, “Moblit! Come here.” A tall man with short, cropped, brown hair peaked into their office. “Levi, this is Moblit my assistant. Moblit, this is Levi. He is strictly under my care. Could you escort him to his room?”

“Of course, Doctor Zoe.” Moblit held the door open and gestured his hand to follow him. A man of few words, at least I didn’t have to make small talk. He led me down another stark white hallway and to an elevator, a swipe of his badge of the button flashed green and gave a small _beep_ before opening its doors. I stepped in behind him and took my place as far away from him as possible.

The elevator raised a few floors before opening again, and silently I followed. This hallway was much different than the previous were Hanji’s office resided. Each door required a badge swipe and had files resting just above in a plastic bin. There were names listed on it, I was expecting whoever was kept inside and whoever was responsible for them. My eyes scanned over each name, hoping somehow, I’d find Farlan. Even if I did, it’s not like I could do anything right now, but at least I’d know where he is. My heart stopped when I saw my name, I didn’t even bother to notice the door open beside it.

This was it.

I step through these doors and it’s finalized, I would be trapped inside. My feet led me without my command. I felt the door close behind me and heard it click shut.

That was it.

It would be best if I slept, I know that if I slept I could see Eren. I crawled onto the stiff bed and pulled the comforter over myself. Within seconds I was out cold.

*****

 “Levi, you’re dreaming right now.”

My eyelids felt heavy and I slowly opened them into my dream world. “This doesn’t get easier, does it?” I mumbled, finding myself sitting on the floor with my back resting against a wall. The tile beneath me felt ice cold, which didn’t make this any better. I felt an odd sense of familiarity, it was similar to the hospital I walked through but somehow it was _different_. I glanced at the bleak walls, my stomach twisting at the thought of how long I’ll be gone.

“No, it doesn’t.” Eren reached a hand out and helped me to my feet.

I rushed to put my arms around him and buried my face against him, breathing in deeply, but I could no longer smell his cologne or his body wash. Everything was so real I had forgotten it was just a dream. “I don’t want to be here.”

“I know.” He laid a soft kiss on my forehead and rubbed my back idly.

The silence settled between us before a small child came running down the hallway. The streak of raven black locks breezed right past us, if I wasn’t in such shock I would’ve moved out of his path, but he went directly through me. I didn’t bother to tell Eren what was happening, because honestly, I didn’t know myself.

Without hesitation I ran after the little boy. In my head, I already knew where he was going, and I knew what awaited me. I heard Eren yell behind me to wait, but there was no time. I had so little time. “Momma! Momma!” The little boy cried out. I turned a corner and found him standing in a doorway, eagerly bouncing on his toes.

“Mój chłopak, is it that time already?”

 _Mój chłopak._ I didn’t need to see the face to know that voice. I always complained to my mother about calling me a baby, but I’d give anything for her to call me her baby boy again.

“It is! And I’ve been an extra good boy today, do I get to see Miss Carla? Will you tell her I’ve been an extra good boy so I get another story? Please momma!” I still bounced like I had eaten way too much sugar, but I could remember this exact moment. It’s no wonder I recognized this place. I’ve been here many times before.

“Of course, Levi, but you have to relax. Miss Carla is very tired today, so if you use your inside voice and ask very nicely, I’m sure Miss Carla will tell you a wonderful story today.” I nodded affirmatively and knocked my unkempt black blocks into my face. My legs moved on their own, guiding me down the hall and into the doorway where my younger self stood. My mother’s hands reached out and brushed my stray hairs back, she took my head in her hands and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and relished in the familiarity, wishing so much that I could go back to this moment. My heart felt like it had a huge pit and my chest felt tight. I dared to breathe, fearing that if I even moved that the scene would fade away. I knew it wasn’t real, at least not now, I had lived this once, but I could not relive it again.

I opened my eyes and met my mother’s eyes, reflecting steel grey that hid so much grief and yet so much love. I wonder if she saw me. Really saw me. Not her baby boy, but me as I am now. I spoke without control, “may I see Miss Carla now?” She gave me a small smile and a nod before rising to her feet and walking further into the room. I started to follow, my legs walking the familiar path. I didn’t have to think about where I was going.

I ran past my mother and behind a soft blue curtain and it’s like the whole atmosphere changed. There were two windows with light streaming through, giving a soft orange glow. The streaks of light danced on the small pots of light purple flowers. _The meadow flowers…_ I ran to the side of the bed, trying to keep my bouncing legs under control. “Miss Carla,” I whispered to the woman relaxing in the bed. She had her long black hair tied into a bun and her golden eyes scanned the pages of a well-loved book.

            “Well look who it is, have you been good today Levi?”

            “Yes, I have Miss Carla, I’ve been an extra good boy today.”

            She slid a piece of paper into the spine of the book and shut it, “an extra good boy? That’s wonderful to hear, did you want another story?”

            “Please?”

            “How could I say no when you ask so nicely?” She smiled sweetly at me and patted an empty spot on the bed. “Come here sweetheart.” I made myself comfortable in the bed next to her and hummed happily. My mother walked around the room, tidying up little things and flipping through files. “Hmm, okay, we’re going to do something different. I’ve got lots of stories, but I’ll let you choose today. What is your… favorite color?”

            I sat for a few seconds and chewed on my lip, “uh, green!”

            “Green, alright. Let me think of something green… did I ever tell you that I have a son?”

            “Yes!”

            “Oh good, he’s just about your age too, he’s five now. A little spitfire honestly, but he has beautiful green eyes, just like his father. I wish you could meet him, he’s very shy and doesn’t have a lot of friends. Since your mother and I are such good friends, I bet you two would be good friends too. Anyways, do you see those flowers on my desk?” I nodded and stared at the purple flowers intently, “he picked those for me this morning, so I’d think of him if I ever got homesick.”

            “Do you not go home tonight when my momma does?”

            “Not today Levi, I have to stay for a few days because I’m not feeling too well.” I looked up at her and gave her a pouty lip. “I’m okay sweetheart, your mother is taking wonderful care of me and I get to see you. You make this dreary place so much brighter. Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome Miss Carla, thank you for the story, I wish I could meet your son.”

            “You are very welcome and maybe one day, I wouldn’t doubt that somehow you will meet.” Carla reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a firm squeeze, before giving my mother a hopeful look.

I held onto her until I felt it slowly fade and I was holding onto nothing but air. I was me again, back to myself. I looked up from my lap to find Eren standing in the doorway. I don’t know how long he’d been standing there.

“That was… my mother…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 32,000 MOTHER FUCKING WORDS. 65 MOTHER FUCKING PAGES. OH MY GOD> IM SO HAPPY. AND IM NOT EVEN ENTIRELY DONE. OH MY GOD. MY BODY HURTS. THIS IS FUCKING GREAT.
> 
> 'Kay, I'm going to sleep now.


End file.
